Feb 27, 2015 3 min read

March is nearly upon us, and I have decided to “Think Spring.” I have given up watching the local weather for Lent. I don’t want to say they’re all doomsayers, but Channel 11 even calls their weather segment “The Severe Weather Team.”

I had this argument with my friend Chris. I said, “Severe? It can’t be severe every day!”

He responded with, “Except it sort of has been.”

Touché, Chris, touché.

I accidentally heard about a weather-related calamity on the radio the other day. Radio dude said that we’ve been breaking records with our low temperatures this February. What an unfortunate record to break. Let’s call this winter our personal best, please! I don’t want Old Man Winter challenging himself to go for it again next year. I still say, while it’s been colder than ever, we had a number of days when the sun has been shining. I like to watch the sun out the window and pretend that it’s nice outside.

Now, the pessimists – i.e. weather-people – are saying that if the weather heats up too fast, new dangers will arise. They’re worrying about flooding. You cannot make weathermen happy! I can’t imagine Dennis Bowman or Stephen Cropper at a party. It would be like partying with Eeyore, Droopy Dog or Ben Stein.

You know they would be like all, “Don’t put too many candles on the cake or you’ll burn the house down,” or “Do you know how many calories there are in that spinach dip?”

Sorry, boys, your invitation got lost in the mail.

I’m so cold that I almost threw a shoe at the television the other night. The commercial for “Disney on Ice” was on, and they were introducing Anna and Elsa to their new, traveling show. While it’s a natural fit to have ice dancers portray characters from “Frozen,” I wasn’t ready to see anyone who was in the pro-winter column.

Side note: “The Little Mermaid” on ice is the dumbest idea ever. She can’t ice skate with a fish tail, so they gave her sparkly green pants. I reject the idea of Ariel longing for legs when … YOU CAN SEE HER LEGS! She goes from long pants to shorts, from fishtail to feet, respectively, with a pair of breakaway stripper pants. Don’t introduce your children to breakaway stripper pants! I might care too much about all things Disney.

But I digress, like I do. I want to think spring. I am filling my head up with visions of daffodils and peonies. Lord knows, there isn’t a lot of space up there. Add in some bougainvillea and I’ll probably forget my Social Security number.

Next Saturday, we spring forward! Seven days till sunshine after 6. It can’t come fast enough. Before you know it, we’ll be wiping sweat from our brow. I, for one, can’t wait to laugh at people who are complaining about the heat. I will mock you all.

Robin Williams once said, “Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!'” So, let’s party! Just don’t invite the meteorologists.