Oct 20, 2015 4 min read

Q. My family is dysfunctional because of my mother’s poor parenting and her history of playing favorites. I maintain minimal contact with my siblings.

One of my sisters is controlling and has always manipulated my mother to get what she wants. She’s my mother’s “golden child.” A number of years ago, this sister took all of the old family photos from my mother’s home. Mom says she only borrowed them. Knowing my sister, I was concerned that the family would never see those pictures again.

I recently decided to ask my sister to let me have the pictures so I could go through them, make some enlargements and copies, and write down some names and dates. My adult children also have expressed interest in having access to the pictures, as they have never seen them and would like to know about their family’s history. My sister lives four hours away, and I offered to pick them up.

Well, my request has started World War III. My mother and sister are furious that I have asked to take the pictures to go through them. They cannot give me a reason I can’t have access to the photos but consider me the bad guy in this scenario.

I could back down and let my sister have her way, but I would like to have that piece of my family history to pass on to my children. Ideally, all of the siblings would have some of the originals, but my sister never learned to share. Should I continue my quest for these photographs, even knowing I will be treated with contempt by my mother and sister? Or should I just let it go? – Living in Dysfunctional Family Land

A. There may be another way to get the pictures. Your sister seems controlling and possessive, so she is unlikely to hand over the photographs. Instead, as nicely and sweetly as possible, ask whether you can go through them in her home. Discuss scanning the ones you want into her computer and emailing them. Or you could offer to pay her to make copies. Bring your mother along so she can see that you are being reasonable and flexible. If Sis says no and your mother gets angry, you will be no worse off.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Foolish Daughter in the Midwest,” who was angry when she found out that her parents were leaving all of their land overseas to her brothers, who never provide any help with their care.

I, too, spent large amounts of my time and money helping my mother care for my father, who had severe dementia. My brother and sister refused to do a thing, nor did they visit my father in the nursing home. When my father died, I learned that my parents will be giving the bulk of their estate to those same uncaring siblings.

My mother will soon need care. I have made the painful decision that I will not be responsible for her, primarily because I cannot afford the financial burden. “Foolish” should accept that she cannot change her dysfunctional family. But she can set healthy limits on how much to help. Her parents’ finances and assets should be used to cover their care. — Wiser Now

Dear Wiser: While parents do not owe their children an inheritance, they sometimes don’t realize that favoring one child over another in the will, regardless of the reason, can cause hurt feelings that last the rest of their lives.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Ohio,” who wondered why prospective employers never get back to her after job interviews.

I would suggest that after the interview, she send a thank-you letter expressing something she liked about the job and explaining how she’s looking forward to working for that company. – B.T.

Email questions to anniesmailbox@creators.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254