Feb 12, 2016 3 min read

Gong Hey Fat Choy! No, that is not the name of a villain from the first season of “Hawaii Five-O.” It’s “Happy New Year!” in Cantonese. I thought I’d celebrate the Year of the Monkey.

Luckily, it’s not the year of the Puppy-Baby-Monkey. That thing just scares me. If you haven’t seen the strange creature from the Mountain Dew Super Bowl commercial, count your blessings. It is part pug with monkey arms and a baby bottom (diaper included). Frightening.

For the record, Mountain Dew has always scared me. It’s too yellow. I’m half convinced it’s a practical joke played by a teenage boy. I can almost hear some pimply-faced kid saying, “Drink this. No. It’s Mountain Dew.” Yeah. No thanks.

But I digress, like I do. I’m celebrating the Chinese New Year. Mostly, because I can’t remember the Western New Year. Thank you, champagne. Yes, I blame those tiny bubbles for not being able to recall an event that happened 40-something days ago.

Just like in Western astrology, the Chinese zodiac also has 12 characters. If you’ve ever been inside a cheap Chinese restaurant, you already know this. I’ve gotten most of my knowledge of the Chinese zodiac while waiting for egg rolls.

Disclaimer: If I pass out some bit of wisdom that later proves to be inaccurate, it’s probably because I spilled the soy sauce over the important parts.

The Chinese Zodiac has some colorful characters. My favorite is the dragon. I wanted to be a dragon, but, alas, I’m a rabbit. A rabbit!

Rabbits always treat people politely, with a gentle smile that makes people feel they are credible and sincere. When meeting trouble, rabbits can handle it in an orderly way. When encountering difficulties, they are never discouraged but are persistent to seek solutions. I think I was misdiagnosed.

I don’t want to be a rabbit, not when there are cool creatures like dragons and dogs on the calendar. I wanted to be a dragon, dog or monkey. It could be worse. I could be a rat.

Side note: Is it just me, or am I the only person who doesn’t appreciate staring at a picture of a rat before I eat my Moo Goo? I usually have to turn my placemat over because it makes me sick to see it there, looking up at me. In my head, I hear Paul Lynde as Templeton from “Charlotte’s Web.” He’s saying, “The rat rules!”

Today, the monkey rules. According to tradition, the monkey is lively, innovative, playful and quick. In the upcoming year, it’s a fortuitous time. It’s a great time to take chances or start a new business.

I’m going to celebrate by taking some new chances. It also seems like a great time to restart my New Year’s resolution. Yeah, I didn’t make it 44 days into the New Year without drinking a soda. No, it wasn’t Mountain Dew.

Say it with me, “Gong Hey Fat Choy!”