Oct 27, 2012 3 min read

High on my “No way!” list always has been renting a storage unit. Pay for a place to stash a bunch of junk, when I can save money by setting it out with trash? Give me a break. Of course, when I broached the subject of jettisoning the odds and ends that have been accumulating throughout the house for decades, I was met with another kind of “No way!” So, of course, I rented a storage unit. The place just around the corner happened to have one available, and I happened to have a blank check when I went to meet with the couple who own the establishment. Mrs. Funk was kind of perplexed about the commitment until her mother, who tends to take a skeptical approach to what we do, said she thought it was good idea. And so I had everyone’s blessing to fill the storage unit. Well, I haven’t quite filled it. There’s about enough room for a human to take one step inside before being surrounded, up to ceiling. The redistribution freed up a lot of space inside the house, but it also has led to questions like, “What did you do with (fill in the blank)?” “You should’ve told me you needed that!” I’ll reply before scuttling off to rummage through the flotsam and jetsam, hoping all along that I won’t cause a landslide and be pinned to the floor. The upside is that the garage has a lot of free space. For a couple of minutes or so. It now serves as a combination gym and garage-band rehearsal area. Oh, and a makeshift greenhouse, since my son the gardener moved most of his outdoor plants inside when the weather started turning. My assumption is that most of the stuff in the storage unit will be there long after I’m gone. With any luck, something in there is worth big money, and when my grandkids dig it out in the distant future, they’ll hit the jackpot. Or maybe they’ll just sell off the inventory to some future “Storage Wars” type of TV program, if television still exists then. If it does, you know reality shows will, too. In the meantime, I’ve set up an automatic payment for the storage unit, so I won’t even have to think about the money that’s being “invested.” Or wasted, if you will. When I rented the unit, the facility’s owners mentioned that one customer never puts a lock on his door. It’s almost as if he wants someone to break in and take everything. I do have a lock, but maybe sometime I’ll “forget” to turn the key and see what happens. The way my family rolls, I’m sure we’ll need the extra space eventually. Harry Funk can be reached at hfunk1213@gmail.com.