Feb 1, 2017 3 min read

Q.I’m done with this. I spent a week in a psychiatric hospital twice. Once I was in eighth grade and the second time I was in 10th. I’m a junior now. I’m doing OK. I see my therapist weekly and take my meds. I no longer want to kill myself. My grades are good. I have some decent friends and we hang out without getting high or drinking. My problem? People in my family have one of two reactions to my depression. They either ignore it to the point where it’s awkward and obvious that they are embarrassed by me, or they talk about it all the time and question me every time I want to leave the house. And, this is just in my immediate family! Please put this in your column and tell people that depression and mental illness aren’t things a person decides to live with – they just happen. I didn’t plan to be depressed. I didn’t do it to make my family look bad. I didn’t think about suicide to get back at my mom when she yelled at me. I didn’t do it to get attention. I wasn’t OK. I wasn’t healthy. I am healthy now. I just want to be treated like a regular teen – no fuss, no weirdness. I just want to be me. Thanks.

Mary Jo’s response: Your question is one of the best I’ve ever received. Your wisdom shines through your words.

The stigma surrounding mental illness is real and you’ve described it well. We wouldn’t treat a teen dealing with a physical illness with so much judgment. Almost everyone lives with the common cold at some point; for some people, the upper respiratory infection worsens and bronchitis or pneumonia result. People are up front about the illness. Families aren’t embarrassed by a viral infection. No one tells a physically ill person to “snap out of it!” Adults don’t accuse a teen with a fractured limb of being attention-seeking.

Mental illness, like physical illness, needs treatment. Stigma and the fear of judgment can force a young person into silence. Hiding depression is common. Untreated teen depression can lead to self-medication with drugs or alcohol.

Here are some hints for teens and adults:

1. Find a trusted adult and share your feelings. You are worthy of support. You deserve treatment.

2. Depression isn’t your fault. You can feel better. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

3. Continue treatment once it begins. If you don’t connect well with a counselor or therapist, tell a trusted adult and seek another provider.

1. Pay attention to your teen’s behavior and moods. Watch for signs of depression.

2. Teens often need transportation. Help a teen with access to care. Be supportive; acting like taking your teen to therapy is a burden intensifies guilt.

3. Avoid blame. Depression is not attention-seeking behavior.

4. Offer unconditional love and support. Let your teen lead you in conversation about the illness.

Depression is real. Adults need to support young people without stigma. Your final sentence is vital. You have the right to be who you are and be treated with respect. You are a person of worth. Thank you for your courage and open heart.

Contact Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski with questions at podmj@healthyteens.com.