Patience a big part of being able to forgive
Q. I am struggling with forgiveness. I am the father of a beautiful 15-year-old girl. On Mother’s Day several years ago, she told me that she had been molested by my nephew, a boy I treated like a son. Unfortunately, this has completely torn our family apart. We went through the legal system, which was very frustrating, and he has pleaded and served his sentence.
What I am trying to do now is find forgiveness, but to this day, my nephew has denied that anything ever happened, and his mother has backed him up on this, as well. So I find myself struggling with forgiving both my nephew and my sister, especially because they have not sought my forgiveness or attempted any reconciliation to our family as a whole – which, if things were reversed, as a father, son, brother and uncle, I would feel obligated to do. I pray often for help.
I know that forgiveness is not for them but for me, but this has been a struggle, to say the least. Thank you for your response. – Trying to Forgive
A. I applaud your wisdom. You’re right; forgiveness is more for you than for them. What your nephew did was horrible, and it will take a long time for your anger to subside enough to make room for any forgiveness. Be patient with yourself. Even having the intention or will to do something – that is progress in the right direction.
Also know that forgiving them doesn’t mean you have to want to spend time with them.
It’s good to forgive in your heart, but it’s important to maintain a healthy distance to protect yourself, especially if they are still denying what happened.
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