Mar 26, 2018 3 min read

I have a friend who once told me he would never go on Facebook because he believed it was invented so that the government could spy on him. Back then, I thought he was crazy. Granted, he did wear an aluminum foil hat to keep aliens from scanning his brainwaves, but now I realize he was probably right.

Apparently, some shady company was gathering analytics on people through their accounts to learn more about them. While I have no intention of giving up my Facebook account, I am curious of what they could learn about me.

The first thing they would discover is I don’t look good in hats. I can’t pull them off. Matter of fact, whenever someone sees me in a hat they say, “Pull that off!” Ask anyone that has viewed my December selfie. I look like someone’s Greek grandma, wrapped in my black, winter cap. I now call it my Yia Yia hat.

So many things can be discerned from my FB page. For instance, you can learn I’m more Fozzie the Bear than Kermit the Frog, though I do have some Miss Piggy tendencies.

Why take the Myers-Briggs personality test when you can take the “Which Muppet Are You?” quiz?

For the record, I’m also a Miranda with some Samantha qualities, or a Dorothy with some Blanche tendencies, depending if you’re an ’90s or ’80s kind of person. I was insulted when I scored so high on the Devereaux scale. Forget the names of a few hundred bedmates, and suddenly you’re considered a slut.

You will learn that I don’t often take pictures of my food, but when I do, it will be a picture of a salad. If I’m eating healthy, I want credit for it.

Spy on my Facebook and you’ll find out I love Dave DiCello photography, Johno Prascak’s paintings and Maria’s Ideas!

P.S. If you still go to Sarris Candies, check out the whimsical art in there. You can get lost in the Candyland Maria DeSimone Prascak painted on the walls. Some Democrats aren’t going because Donald Trump Jr. made an appearance there. Some Republicans aren’t going because the store apologized for it. Good chocolate gets my vote every time.

But I digress, like I do. If you are analyzing my Facebook page, you will learn that I am stalking a bunch of local actors like Daina Griffith, Julianne Avolio, Patrick Jordan and Monteze Freeland. I’m also following local comedians like Derek Minto, Shannon Norman, Missy Moreno and Gab Bonesso. I’m also listening to the Nox Boys, the Telephone Line and some other local bands.

You will find me pushing the Drinking Partners podcast and ‘Burgh Vivant on everyone. They are great sites for arts, entertainment and much merriment.

I’m hoping that those government spies picked up a few copies of “Below Average Genius.” That’s the best way to get to know me.

I encourage everyone to spy on my Facebook page. I hope it’s an enriching experience.