Apr 12, 2018 4 min read

Q.How do you know if a guy truly likes you or if he is just talking to you because he wants someone to talk with or is desperate? I asked my girlfriends, but they’re as confused as me.

14-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: What an excellent question!

Relationships are tricky and discovering how interested another person is in a relationship is often the most complicated part. Your question is not only common, it is one I receive from young people of all ages.

Here are some hints

• Does body language help you figure out how he feels? Body language refers to the way he acts around you. It is more than words. Does he look happy when you’re talking? Does he seek you out? Does he seem genuinely interested in what you’re saying?
• When you’re with a group of friends, does he still try to connect with you?
• Does he share things with you, both good and bad?
• Does he make eye contact? Does he lean toward you when you’re talking?
• Does he touch you lightly when you’re talking – in a casual way, on an arm or a hand?
• Does he put barriers between you? For example, if you’re sitting together, does he place his backpack or books in the space between you? Or, is the space between you open?

I know this can be frightening, but the best way to tell if someone likes you is to ask them. It can be difficult to be this open, but it may help. You might say, “I really like talking with you. Do you feel the same?”

I hope our peer educators’ responses to your question help. Good luck.

Peer Educator response: Male perspective: When our guy friends are talking to females, they tend to spend a bit more time with them over other guy friends and they tend to make time to talk to them regardless. We know it would be harder for a girl to know if he’s kinda blowing off his guy friends for her because she doesn’t really know how much time he spends with them. But, if you know that he spends a lot of time with his guy friends and he chooses you more often than them, then that’s a clear sign. Some guys that you meet will be desperate, but if your heart says he is the right one, follow your heart. If they do not talk to you a lot, or only when no one else is around, then they are not interested, they are just desperate.

Female perspective: You don’t really know, ha ha. We guess that’s kind of the fun of being young and dating, because you never know someone’s intentions. It’s a good idea to go with your gut feeling. People can often “feel” others’ intentions, so listen to the signs. Also, if you notice they are spending more time than usual talking to you or spending time with you it may mean they’re interested in you. To find out for sure, just be honest with the person and they should be honest back. It’s important to just make sure there is communication no matter what. Communication will most likely be the key to finding out.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.