Nov 12, 2018 3 min read

Beware the changeling convoy advancing on America.

Organized and financed by oligarchs, it is composed mostly of the “lovers, muggers and thieves” first mentioned by the Standells in their 1966 hit “Dirty Water.” Serial monogamists and unknown West-Central Middle Easterners may also be among them – no one can say for certain. We can be sure of only one thing: all are changelings. And they aim to destroy our sacred land.

As the Founding Fathers made so plain in the Constitution, a changeling is a fairy child left in place of a human child, who the fairies then spirit away to act as a servant. And why not? The Fairyland economy is in the dumper because of cheap Elf labor, so they want to see their children being taken care of by American humans who, let me tell you, are the best parents in America. And once the convoy of their spawn reaches our shores, changelings will be handed U.S. citizenship, welfare … and maybe even tickets to see “Hamilton.”

You ask, “How do I know fairies exist? I’ve never seen one.”

Wake up!

Fairies are everywhere! As noted fairy historian Kitty Fields explains on her website: “There are those who live within hollowed-out tree trunks, under and within the trees’ roots, in the highest boughs of the trees, in homes made out of toadstools and mushrooms, and even homes made out of rocks by a stream or riverside. They can be found in gardens and living with the woodland animals.”

Cohabiting with beasts! Sad.

Fairies have been a cancer upon us for centuries, causing havoc. The Civil War? Fairies. In the 1970s, fairies made General Motors automobiles rust, which led to the demise of the U.S. auto industry. Fairies who owned wind farms spread fake news to undermine Big Coal. Even today, intrepid U.S. dairy farmers wake up to find that fairies have drained the milk from their cows.

The United States is the only country in the world where a fairy comes in, replaces a baby, and the changeling is essentially a citizen of the United States … with all of those benefits. Ridiculous!

Feeling secure? You shouldn’t.

That fluttering outside your bedroom window: loose downspout, or fairies? Keep misplacing your glasses or your cellphone? Fairy tricks!

Hear me, O America! The security of our nation and the safety of every single American is at stake.

While you have been reading this opinion piece, the changeling convoy has advanced like a screaming Mongol hoard – only a lot slower and quieter and without horses. Certain political parties are openly encouraging millions of changelings to break our laws and overwhelm our nation.

I don’t know about you, but I like America the way it is: whelmed.