Aug 29, 2020 5 min read

Our second oldest son leaves for college this week. It will be a long, quiet, 10-hour drive to Massachusetts. There’s so much to think about and so much to say, but there will be few words to sum up our combined feelings about Jack’s next chapter. I know he’s excited and eager, but also apprehensive about leaving the home he’s shared with his four brothers for going on 19 years. He’ll miss the endless noise. The home-cooked meals. The comfort and safety of a life lived according to our rules. It’s now all up to him.

Boston College is a tremendous accomplishment for Jack. Following in his father’s footsteps will be a daunting prospect, certainly. But if I know anything about our boy, he will chart his own path and blaze a trail that will leave us speechless. These are strange times, to be sure. But Jack is a strange kid. Delightfully unique. Maddeningly distant. Always wrapped up in his own view of the world and his place in it. He’s singularly creative but frustratingly secret. It’s time.

There have been so many times when I’ve wanted to sit down and tell my son how I feel about him. But most of those conversations end in me making a facial expression he interprets as accusatory or him using a tone that makes me want to choke him (in a loving, motherly way, of course). Still, most attempts at conversation end poorly. Both of us have stopped trying. We exist as planets circling around each other’s orbit, careful not to get too close but never wanting to stray too far. It’s a delicate dance.

So I’ve decided to put the verbal spaghetti knotted up in my stomach down on paper. It’s easier this way.

Dear Jack,

I love you. I know you know that I love you, but I need for you to feel it all the way inside yourself. You need to know that that love is unconditional, and that it comes from a place that is always safe for you.

I’m so proud of you. Not because you got good grades or did well on some standardized test that I flunked 32 years ago, but because you are your own man. You like what you like. You believe what you believe. You’re not easily swayed by the opinions of others, and you’re ridiculously stubborn. These traits will serve you well as you turn the page in your book of life.

If I have one word of advice for you as you leave for college, it would be this: Listen to people. Don’t just hear their words, but listen to what other people say. We’ve forgotten how to do this. We shout and demand that others believe what we believe and do exactly as we do. That gets us nowhere. Listen. You will learn more about life in these next four years by using your ears than you will by speaking. People’s motives, opinions, values and agendas are easy to decode when you quiet yourself and hear what they say.

I want you to know that if things ever get tough for you, and they will, there’s a church nearby. You served Mass as an altar boy for years and years. You might not know it now but one day you will find great solace in the words of the liturgy. In the body and blood of Christ. Walk through those doors and sit down in a pew. The answers you seek will come to you. Believe.

Help other people. You will never be more rewarded in life than by being a good helper. Give freely of your time and share that incredible mind of yours with those less fortunate. You will be amazed by the impact you can have on your special slice of the world.

And please, don’t ever be afraid or reluctant to admit when you’re wrong. You will be wrong an awful lot, and that’s OK. Learn from your mistakes, never expect perfection, and be humble enough to ask for help. A strong man knows his weaknesses and in so doing, becomes stronger. Treat the women you meet with respect and expect that same respect in return.

I love you, sweet boy. I doubt you’ll call often, and that’s OK. I’m here when you need me and I’ll speak to you in my dreams. Your father and I can’t wait to see what you achieve! Just promise me one thing, won’t you? When the day comes that you realize all the things I’ve been telling you have been true, surprise me, maybe? Show up unannounced on our doorstep and ring the bell. When I open the door speechless at the sight of you, perhaps you’ll open your arms and let me in. Maybe you’ll even hug me like you mean it. Like you never want to let go. Like you finally understand. I’ll be the one sobbing against your chest so happy to finally have you back.

Good luck, Jacko.

Wendy Bell can be heard on 1020AM KDKA, Weekdays from 3-6pm. KDKA Radio can also be heard through the RADIO.COM App. Follow Wendy on Facebook and Instagram @WendyBellRadio and on Twitter @WendyBellPgh.