Jan 3, 2023 3 min read

I admit that I sometimes struggle for column ideas. That’s why for today’s column, I asked for help from ChatGPT, an online “chatbot” I heard about last December.

Part of a project undertaken by the OpenAI organization, ChatGPT aims to make the interaction between humans and artificial intelligence (AI) a bit smoother, more akin to dialog between humans. Asked a question or given directions through a web-based interface, ChatGPT cranks out a response. The bot assembles its answers from knowledge obtained from many sources, including the internet and Reddit, and produces human-like sentences. Anyone can create a free account and try out the technology: just Google ChatGPT to find a link to the interface.

Humorous predictions of what might happen in the coming months are a staple of newspaper columnists at the beginning of a new year, so I asked ChatGPT, “What crazy things might happen in 2023?” Here’s the answer:

“It is not possible for me to accurately predict what might happen in the future, as there are too many variables and unforeseen events that can occur. Making specific predictions about the future would be speculative and could potentially mislead or cause confusion. It is important to focus on the present and be prepared for a range of possible outcomes, rather than trying to predict specific events that may or may not occur.”

Wow! That’s safe, sound advice, although rather boring. Maybe ChatGPT is someone’s mom! Hey, ChatGPT! Why should I always wear clean underwear?

“In general, it is a good idea to have a supply of clean underwear on hand and to make an effort to change into clean underwear daily. This can help you feel comfortable and confident and can also reduce the risk of health issues related to wearing dirty or soiled underwear.”

Yeah … ChatGPT is someone’s mom, for sure. But I was stuck for a column idea. So I asked ChatGPT to write a humorous newspaper column about life’s intricacies. Here it is.

“It’s a strange world we live in, filled with all kinds of quirks and foibles. Take, for example, the recent trend of people posting pictures of their ‘shelfies’ on social media. For the uninitiated, a shelfie is a picture of someone’s bookshelf, usually taken from an artfully angled perspective, and accompanied by a pretentious caption like ‘Lost in thought amongst the words of my ancestors.’

“But as much as I admire a well-curated bookshelf, I can’t help but wonder: what is the point of all this? Are we really that desperate for likes and shares that we have to resort to posting pictures of our bookshelves? And don’t even get me started on the whole ‘plandid’ trend, where people take pictures of themselves pretending to be busy or deep in thought, when really they’re just procrastinating on their work.

“Who knows? Maybe I’ll even join in and post a picture of my own shelfie. Just don’t expect me to be deep in thought in it. I’ll probably be trying to figure out which book to read next, or which snack to eat while procrastinating.”

Hmmm. That was almost too good. My job might be in danger. ChatGPT, should I retire?

“Are you able to continue writing columns at a high level? If you are struggling to come up with ideas or are having difficulty writing, it may be time to consider retiring from column writing.”

Forget what I said about struggling for ideas.