Nov 2, 2023 3 min read

Q. Why are all the people in my grade full of drama about having a boyfriend or girlfriend? It’s ridiculous. We’re 12. I hear kids talking about being in love all the time. We’re too young to be in love, right? There’s so much gossip and drama all the time, mostly on social media. I asked my mom, and she said maybe some kids are just talking about wanting a relationship because they think everyone else has one. I think that’s just plain stupid if that’s what they’re doing; I mean, I refuse to do something just because other people are doing it. Is my mom right? My mom had you in school and said for me to ask you. Please tell me mom is right.

– 12-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: I like the way you talk with your mom. Keep it up. More teens talk with their parents than people think.

I’m with your mom on this one. It’s easier to go along with what everyone else is doing. You sound very mature. It takes courage to stand for what you believe and even more courage to be different.

I’ve served young people since the 1970s, though, and what you’re describing is not new or rare. People begin to change their friendships and think of relationships when puberty starts, and 12 years is the average age for puberty.

Social media seems to lead to more drama than teens experienced in decades past, however. Use your maturity to make wise choices when online.

Your question about love and age is a tough one. Is it possible for one person to decide if another person is in love? Is there an age when love is real? Dr. Sol Gordon was a dear friend and colleague of mine. One of his books, written in 2001, was “How Can You Tell if You’re Really in Love?” In it, Sol attempts to answer this question by looking at two types of love – mature and immature love. He felt love is a strong emotion and is personal to each of us; he believed love can happen at any time in life. The key was to decide if the love was a mature love. Mature love is determined by actions, not by a person’s age.

If I follow Sol’s wisdom, my response to your question about love would be, “It depends.” A young person may exhibit a mature love, but such a love would be rare at age 12.

Teens can become Peer Educators with me at 13, but I often include mature 12-year-olds. Peer Educators are taught to facilitate important topics with people their own age. I offer our next training tonight, from 6-8 p.m., at the Common Ground Teen Center (92 N. Main Street in Washington). I think you would be an excellent Peer Educator!

Continue talking with your mom, and feel free to text me anytime.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.