Jan 30, 2024 4 min read

Some books that have influenced me

By Nick Jacobs

During my early teaching and parenting days, a few books had a significant influence on me. Each book provided different insights for me as a teacher, a parent, and a human being. I’ve read lots of books since then, but because I was at a very impressionable stage in my life, these books seemed to have had the most impact.

​”I’m OK – You’re OK” by Thomas Anthony Harris helped me both as a teacher and a parent on several levels. It taught me the negative aspects of dictatorial parent-to-child interactions, and how, although sometimes necessary, only creates resentment and anger when used excessively. That was especially true when working with adults in leadership situations. Watch the movie, “The Great Santini” to see what I mean.

​Being directly ordered to do something was not the best reinforcement tool to create the greatest outcomes. If you talk “parent-to-child” to an adult, expect to get your car keyed. If you want to upset someone, address them in condescending and negative tones.

​When I realized that I could use the logic behind this book in my classrooms, everything changed for me. By treating students and my own children in an adult-like manner every possible time, I could gain their respect and support. Don’t get me wrong. If they were doing something that could harm them, for their protection I would immediately become that drill sergeant. Otherwise, I worked hard to bring them into the equation by asking for their input and rewarding them for acting appropriately.

​The book, “Change or Die” by Alan Deutschman also contributed to this way of thinking for me. It dealt with three very diverse examples of change – reversing heart disease, manufacturing automobiles, and reducing the rate of recidivism for prisoners. The author explored the risks of following similar paths and the rewards of choosing alternative paths. Change is the only thing that remains consistent in our lives.

​”Passages” by Gail Sheehy was a book about just that. I’ve often thought it would be great to have taken that book even further into the aging process. The author helps us understand more completely what each decade of our adult lives potentially has in store for us. It was a book that gave me not only insight into my past and future but also allowed me to engage in specific levels of self-forgiveness. We all make mistakes, but we don’t have to be our mistakes. We can forgive ourselves and move on as quickly as possible.

​Desmond Morris, a zoologist, wrote “The Naked Ape,” in which he dissected the similarities and differences between our animal cousins and ourselves as mammals. Because we spend our entire lives trying to cover up, forget, hide, or deny our mammalian existence, it was a real eye-opener. He described in great detail how incredibly similar we are to other mammals, and then helped differentiate between our higher level of thinking capabilities and our deeply DNA-rooted animal drivers.

​Things like the fight-or-flight instinct, hunting and gathering, sexuality, mourning, attractions, symbolic natural mating signals, and even our body’s design were all explored via his zoological background. Oral hangovers, the need to be touched and groomed, our protective instincts, and much more were carefully explained.

​Finally, “The Prophet” by Khalil Gibran was simply a study in human philosophy. First published in 1923, the book often explores significant moments in our lives and how we might react, respond to, and interpret them. For that reason, it is often given as a gift to loved ones and friends. Gibran’s words influenced the Beatles, John F. Kennedy, and Indira Gandhi to name just a few.

​I could go on about all these older books that many of you may have never read or even heard of, but they certainly all influenced my life significantly. Even if you just read the synopsis of these books, they can only help you navigate life a little more openly, meaningfully, and easily.

Nick Jacobs is a Windber resident.