Oct 24, 2012 4 min read

Q. I have a problem with my ex-boyfriend. In the beginning it was all good and I was really happy. He never seemed like the violent type or anything. But one day, I scared him on accident and he choked me from behind and I couldn’t breathe. He played it off like it was OK but it really scared me. I stayed with him, though, because I loved him and didn’t think it was that big of a deal. We dated for another two months after that and all we did was fight. He acted like he didn’t care about me and didn’t even treat me like a real girlfriend. We’re not together anymore, but we still love each other. He treats me like crap though. He doesn’t talk to me in school, he says rude things to me a lot, and pretty much emotionally abuses me. But even after all that I still love him. What do I do? 16 -year-old female Mary Jo’s response: Thank you for your courage. Sharing your story may help other young people evaluate their relationships. I applaud your willingness to move forward and stand strong. Love doesn’t determine if a relationship is healthy or not. Mature love isn’t hurtful. Mature love is other-directed (meaning that each person thinks of the other person). Mature love is doesn’t hurt or put down. Mature love makes each person feel like life is better because of the relationship. Mature love empowers. Mature love is empathetic. Mature love shares. It doesn’t sound as if your relationship was based on mature love. You may have been mature enough to commit to your partner but it doesn’t sound as if he was ready. Another very real challenge with your ex deals with his anger. He appears unwilling or unable to control his actions. People in healthy relationships don’t hurt one another – physically, mentally or emotionally. I’m thrilled that you left. I hear your pain and I know that it hurts right now. You made a wise choice when you took care of you. Continue to remember that his behavior is dangerous. Continue to value yourself highly. You are a person of great worth. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Domestic Violence Services of Southwestern PA provides free, private, and confidential services to Fayette, Greene and Washington counties. They can be reached at 724-223-9190 or 800-791-4000, 724-852-2463, or 724-439-9500 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Peer Educator response: You did the right thing by breaking up with him. Don’t go back, no matter how sweet he sounds in the future. He won’t change. He’s not worth your time. Eventfully you won’t love him like you do now. Be patient and wait for someone who treats you with respect. Q. I’m all about stopping domestic violence and I feel kind of weird saying this but I was in an abusive relationship and I’m a guy. My ex-girlfriend constantly put me down and made me feel like I was worth nothing. 16-year-old male Mary Jo’s response: It takes a lot of courage to speak out about abusive relationships; I think it’s even more difficult to share when the survivor is male. Thank you. You’re not the only young man who has experienced this type of abuse. You are certainly someone of worth. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Separating from an abuser is a survivor’s move. Believe in yourself. Peer Educator response: Of course guys can get hurt. Stay away from anyone who puts you down. Q. My friends say that my boyfriend is a jerk because he is really jealous and texts me all the time to see where I am. He may be a little jealous but it’s just because he loves me so much. The reason he texts me all the time is because he misses me and wants to know where I am. I mean, we’re just really serious. What do you think? 15 -year-old female Mary Jo’s response: I think demanding to know someone’s behavior and location “all the time” is abusive. No one should own you or have control over your life. Love doesn’t smother. Using love and jealousy as an excuse for controlling behavior isn’t healthy. Please talk with a trusted adult or parent ASAP. You can always connect with me. Stay strong. Peer Educator response: This question sounds like it came right from our newest play – Txt Me, Luv Me, Own Me. Texting constantly and pushing you around isn’t OK. We think your friends are right. He’s acting like a jerk.