Sep 11, 2012 5 min read

Q.Please tell my mother that, yes, I know she loves me and I’m her baby boy, and yes, I do love her, and yes, I know she will miss me and honestly I will miss her too, and yes, I do know how to do my laundry because she already taught me, and yes, I’ll even change the sheets (at least once a semester), and yes, I know how to budget money – ditto with the teaching from her – and yes, I will eat regular meals, and yes, I will make sure I talk regularly to my little brother because he’s almost 13 and he needs me as a role model, and yes, I will go to church (sometimes), and yes, I won’t drive drunk, and yes, I’ll study as well as have fun because, yes, I do know how much this college education is costing, and yes, I will miss her and dad and grandpa and grandma and all my aunts and uncles and cousins and the neighbors and our pastor and the mailman and the barista at Starbucks, and yes, I will come home on a weekend. Just NOT right away. Because in spite of all those yeses, she is making me flat out crazy. One more week, Ma. Please take a deep breath.

My mom reads your column every week. I bet I’m not the only 18-year-old leaving for college who feels like this. You promised you’d print whatever I wrote. Will you? Don’t use my name, though, because if she doesn’t laugh when she reads it … then it’s not from me!

18-year-old male

Mary Jo’s response:

Promise completed. Your mom should laugh. I would. She sounds like me when my kids left for college. May you be blessed with a long, successful life. If you decide to parent one day, may you be blessed with a wonderful child like you, so you can feel exactly as your mom does right now. Tell her the next weeks will be bittersweet, but as my dad always said, this too shall pass.

Keep laughing and stay in touch. I don’t disappear when you leave high school. Have fun and listen to your mom!

Q. I’ve disappointed my dad. My grandma is cool about my decision, and she’s talking to my dad, but I still feel bad. All my life, I think I’ve heard my dad say that he wanted me to go to college because he never got to go. So I took the courses I needed and took my SATs. Then I applied and got in. All along I’ve known that college isn’t for me. I didn’t have the courage to tell him when the deposit was sent in, but now that it’s summer I felt I had no choice. So I told him. I’m working and I’m paying him for the deposit. I’ll maybe go to college in a year or so, but right now I really don’t want to go. What can I say to him? He’s not mad or anything, just kind of sad.

18-year-old male

Mary Jo’s response:

Explain your thoughts to your dad just as you explained them to me. You did very well. You’re being honest and that’s great. Too many young people aren’t strong enough to share what they really feel. Tell your dad that you love him. Don’t be afraid to tell him how much you appreciate the sacrifices he’s made for you. Explain that you understand how much he wanted you to go to school. Listen to him with respect. Tell him that you’ll reconsider school in a year. Your dad wants you to have a good life and he may feel that a lack of college degree has held him back. In time you may want to go to school. Keep communicating with your father. And, by the way, tell your dad that he’s not too old to go to college. I didn’t complete my doctorate until I was in my 50s. As long as you’re alive you can learn. Good luck to both of you.

Q. Can you settle an argument with my best friend? We both leave for college soon. I’m staying close and she is going all the way across the country. She says I won’t have a “real college experience” because I’m not leaving Western Pa. I say that people get out of college what they put into it. I’m ready to study, I’m excited about new adventures, and I’m staying at school. When I’m in my dorm at night, it won’t matter if I’m two hours away and she’s got a three-hour time difference between her family and school. I’m just not ready to be that far away. What do you think?

18-year-old female

Mary Jo’s response:

I think you’re very wise. College is what you make it. Your friend and you are just different. You both made choices that worked for each of you. Agree to disagree and enjoy time together before school starts. Have fun and study hard!