Nov 29, 2013 3 min read

It’s two days after Thanksgiving, and I’m still full. Honestly, I was full on the first course. I had a big salad on Thanksgiving. Salad! A rookie mistake. I wanted green beans, mashed potatoes, yams and stuffing, and I was full on salad, but I wasn’t willing to give up after lettuce.

Even though I was full, I still ate mashed potatoes, yams, green beans and stuffing. There was so much food on the table we could have fed a village in Kenya. I didn’t even eat turkey. People always think, “You’re a vegetarian! What are you going to eat on Thanksgiving?” I managed to stuff myself silly without eating the bird. I love stuffing (as long as it’s made on the outside). There were plenty of potatoes and veggies to eat, too.

I had more stuffing in me than a Build-A-Bear.

I promised myself this year would be different. That I would eat light and leave room for dessert, not just try to shove it in anyway. When it came time for dessert, I had broken my promise. I still wanted it. I kept looking over the dessert table. That pie was my Mount Everest. I saw it and I just had to do it. Like most people and Mount Everest, I didn’t make it all the way. After a couple of bites, I had to hide it under a napkin. If I kept looking at it, I was tempted to eat more of it. It had to go away.

Later in the evening, my aunt brought out the board games. Along with the board games came pretzels, potato chips, nuts and M&Ms (plain and peanut). I don’t know what possessed me to nibble on pretzels and nuts while playing Pictionary. I had already eaten more food in one day than I had all week.

I’m sitting here and I can’t breathe. It was too much food for one person. Our leftovers could have fed District Twelve. That’s a “Hunger Games” reference. I try to stay hip.

Some year, I’m going to stay on my diet on Thanksgiving. Renowned fitness guru Jillian Michaels suggests you steam cauliflower and whip it in lieu of mashed potatoes. Yeah. Right. I’ll get right on that.

I wonder if anyone stays on their diet on Thanksgiving. I have seen people jog past the house on Thanksgiving morning. I watched them while I spackled cream cheese into a celery trench. I watched people walk their dog as I opened a jar of olives. They were out there doing things, physical things. Though the lid to the olive jar was on pretty tight, I should have been out there. Washing dishes was the most physical thing I did all day Thursday. Frankly, I was just rinsing them and sticking them in the dishwasher. Maytag was doing all the heavy work.

I should have gone for a walk. At least I could have counterbalanced the gluttony with a modicum of exercise. Yeah. Right. I’ll get right on that.

Enjoy the rest of the long weekend, and whatever you do, DON’T save me any dessert.