Dec 30, 2014 3 min read

Around midnight tonight, while most people are shooting off fireworks, banging pots and pans or twirling celebratory ratchets, I may opt. instead. for The Twelve Lucky Grapes. No, this is not the name of an unsuccessful Motown act from 1968 or the title of director Peter Jackson’s planned sequel to “The Hobbit.”

I never heard of The Twelve Lucky Grapes until Dec. 24, when I attended a Christmas Eve party including several guests who grew up in Venezuela, which has a strong Spanish heritage. According to their explanation, celebrants must eat 12 grapes, which signify the months of the departing year, beginning at midnight, one grape each time the clock chimes. It’s thought that those who complete the ritual are assured a lucky and prosperous new year. At least for those who don’t try to swallow all 12 grapes at the same time.

Other Venezuelan New Year’s Eve traditions include wearing yellow underwear (for prosperity) and taking suitcases outside your house before midnight, opening them, then bringing them back in. I’m told this symbolizes carrying your troubles away, and it seems pretty cool. It may also explain why, when I played New Year’s Eve celebrations in nightclubs many years ago, men were often seen with old bags.

Then the Venezuelans asked what New Year traditions Americans have.

First and foremost, my friend Dan offered, is getting stupid drunk and throwing up. Agreement all around. I explained that many Americans run outside and bang pots and pans, to either ward off the devil or to bedevil neighbors who retire early. No one is quite sure who started this tradition, but I can tell you that if you Google “banging pots and pans on New Year’s Eve,” you will receive a page with a banner ad touting “10-15 percent Off Macy’s New Year’s Sale! Deals Going Fast + Specials End 1/1.”

If you’re looking for something more out of the ordinary tonight, may I recommend the following:

• Possum-dropping: In Brasstown, N.C., a possum in a transparent box is lowered over a noisy crowd, reflecting the town’s claim to be “the possum capital of the world.” Now, that’s just plain stupid. Almost as bad as allowing a groundhog to predict the arrival of spring.

• Furniture throwing: Residents of Johannesburg, South Africa, throw old furniture out of their windows. Americans, of course, do this only when their favorite college football team wins. Or loses.

• Bear dancing: Romanians wear bear costumes and furs and dance at different houses to keep evil at bay. For the American equivalent, Google “Duck Dynasty.”

No matter how you plan to celebrate tonight, I urge you to tune in to Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, if only to understand how truly out of touch you are with pop music. This year’s lineup includes Taylor Swift, One Direction, Lady Antebellum and Fergie, all of which I know, and at least 10 other acts I have never heard. Then there’s something called Iggy Azalea, which I’m told is pretty close to what you eat with sauerkraut on New Year’s Day.

If all this bores you, go to bed early.

Then, early on New Year’s Day, wear yellow underwear and go stalking the Wild McMuffin.