Nov 12, 2014 6 min read

Q.I went to homecoming with my boyfriend and five other couples. My mom was kind enough to lend me her credit card, and I paid for dinner. We agreed to do that beforehand because my mom is a waitress, and she said it’s a real pain when she needs to split the check. Everyone was supposed to pay me that night and they all did except for one couple, and it’s been a whole month since the dance. I don’t know what to do because it’s my best friend and her boyfriend, so what if she gets really mad at me? She doesn’t even bring it up. My mom said she’s tired of being patient.

16-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: Your mom sounds very kind. How nice of her to consider the feelings of the restaurant wait staff. I agree with her. She’s been patient long enough. A month is a long time to wait.

Sometimes the simplest way to approach someone is best. Your friend and her partner agreed to pay for their portion of the meal. Be respectful, but definitely bring up the subject. Try saying, “My mom’s credit card bill is here. I need your part of the dinner bill.” If your friend is having problems getting the money, she still owes you an explanation.

A true friend wouldn’t try to dodge her responsibilities. If she’s forgotten, your reminder should result in immediate payment. If she doesn’t pay her debt, I think you owe your mom some help. Are you working? If your friend isn’t good for the money, I think you should reimburse your mom. I’d evaluate my friendship with this individual. Good friends don’t use one another.

Peer Educator response: If she doesn’t pay up, find better friends.

Q.Our school has a winter formal in December, and I don’t have a date. My mom said I should go with friends so I don’t miss the experience, because it’s my first formal. I’m afraid I’ll feel stupid. What do you think?

15-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: I agree with your mom. Many young people attend formal dances and proms with a group of friends. You won’t be alone. Enjoy your first formal.

Peer Educator response: Go with friends. You’ll be surprised how many people are there with groups. It’s a lot of fun.

Q.Am I a slut? I went to homecoming with a guy I know who’s just a friend. He knew that we weren’t really together, but when he asked I thought it might be fun to go with him. While we were at formal, I met a guy who was there with some friends. I started hanging out with him and talking, and we danced a lot. My date got asked to dance by other girls, but mostly he just sat at the table. I ended up spending most of the night with the new guy, but we didn’t kiss or even hug. We just talked and danced. On the way home – my dad drove us – the guy I went with was pretty quiet. Then at school today, he started spreading nasty rumors about me. He said I’m a slut because I ditched him at the dance. I say we were just friends, and he knew that. Now I feel kind of guilty. Was I wrong?

15-year-old

Mary Jo’s response:

The word slut is degrading and disrespectful. I don’t think it should ever be used, and I certainly do not think you are one. I do wonder if your date realized you saw him only as a friend. Whether or not you were clear about your relationship status before the dance, he certainly may have felt alone when you spent the evening with someone else.

Your situation is one of the reasons I like friends to attend a dance together. At 15, it’s smart to have fun, dance with lots of people, and stay away from relationship drama.

Everything in life can be a learning opportunity. What lessons can you take away from this experience? Do you think an honest conversation before the dance would have spared hurt feelings? At the dance, could you have explained yourself to your date? Could you have spent time with him as well, or at least made certain he wasn’t alone?

Treating others with respect is a good guideline for life. Empathy means trying to understand another person’s experience. How would you have felt if the situation was reversed and you were alone most of the dance?

You might try talking with your date. I don’t think his behavior in school is respectful to you, however. It may be wise to spend some time apart. Good luck.

Peer Educator response:

You’re definitely not a slut, but you’re not such a great friend, either. Apologize for ignoring him and move on.

Q.

I went to formal with my girlfriend and I really expected to take some crap because of it, but my friends kind of surrounded us and made us feel safe. They know I’m bisexual, and they’re OK with it. What really shocked me was the fact that my mom didn’t freak out. Up until then, she thought my girlfriend was just a good friend. Now, she knows and she’s not acting any different toward me or her. I wasn’t sure when you said I should give mom a chance to show she could understand, but I’m really glad I did. Who knew? I’m writing so you’ll put this in the paper so other teens like me realize that sometimes our parents can accept us just as we are. Thanks.

18-year-old

Mary Jo’s response:

Done! Your words are in the paper. I’m glad you have such good support. Your mom sounds great. Enjoy being 18!

Peer Educator response:

No one should be made fun of for being who they are.