Nov 24, 2014 3 min read

The part of fall that I enjoy (namely the beauty of the trees in full fall foliage displaying God’s painting skills) is long past. All that is left are mostly dreary, cooler and cold days that serve to remind us that, although the worst is yet to come, the Earth would be a bleak, gray place to live if God didn’t plan ahead to a spring renewal. And if that description doesn’t prove to you my disdain for this season – along with the fact that I probably suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder – I have three more words for you about why I dislike fall:

BIG. BLACK. FLIES.

This time of year, all of the flies of the world attempt to survive winter’s cold by coming into my home. If you don’t have this problem, you’re welcome. It’s because they are all here.

I don’t know how they get in, but seemingly overnight, my home becomes refuge to thousands of the monsters, all climbing atop each other in an attempt to congregate everywhere they think it is warm. This means my windows, my light fixtures and our fireplace area are frequently swarmed.

Dinner has become a covert operation. We sneak to the table with our plates of food, and try to gobble it down before some poor sucker goes on a kamikaze mission. Hearing, “waiter, there’s a fly in my soup,” becomes the norm, and we give out prizes if we all make it through a meal with no unexpected additions of protein – and bacteria.

I’ve tried everything to combat the problem. I have used the vacuum to suck them out of the windows. I have hung flypaper more heavily than tinsel at Christmas. I have even resorted to fly sprays and Raid in the windows. (FYI, the Raid is the most effective and keeps working for a few days, but they keep coming back, and I worry about how that same residual effect works on my kids and cats.)

This morning, I swept up the worst of them as the Sears repairman pulled up the driveway, and hoped fervently that he didn’t hear the buzzing sound coming from the kitchen (dining room, bathroom – you name it, it was buzzing.) By the time he was finished fixing my washing machine, there was a new pile of carnage on the floor.

Is there an organic – or at least pet safe -remedy for fighting flies? Surely, someone can help me figure out how to combat these creatures in a way that is safe for my family and can save my sanity. (My husband might say that my sanity has already been compromised, but that is a column for another day.)

If you know of anything, please email me your suggestions. I will be here, fly swatter in hand, awaiting your replies.

Laura Zoeller can be reached at zoeller5@verizon.net.