Jul 15, 2015 5 min read

Q.I’m pregnant! I know sometimes people tell you that and it’s scary. This baby is planned. I worried all through high school about getting pregnant because my mom had me when she as 16. I can’t count how many times I talked with you about it then, and you answered my questions. I’m almost 30. So why come to you now? Because my mom has all these rules about my pregnancy. I know some are true – like I shouldn’t smoke or drink alcohol. I get that. We’re arguing a lot. My mom respects you. My husband said to get you to answer. Biggest question: Is it or is it not OK to have sex while pregnant? My mom says no, the Internet says yes and also no, and my OB hasn’t even brought up the subject. My mom says I shouldn’t even be thinking about sex any more. I think making love is important, even when you’re pregnant. What about right after the baby is born? Your turn!

Mary Jo’s response: Congratulations! How great to hear from you!

Your mom’s not alone. There are many myths about sex and pregnancy. Arguing with your mom is stressful. Hopefully, you and your mom can relax and share your happiness.

I’ll respond to your questions about making love during pregnancy and postpartum (after the baby is born) and add a few other common myths.

Your health-care provider isn’t alone, either; although sex during pregnancy is discussed more now than when I had my children, it’s still not a common topic. I think silence about this important subject is cultural. We tend to act as if pregnancy happens and then sexuality no longer matters.

Holistic sexuality is more than physical sexual experiences. Dr. Dennis Dailey created the Circles of Sexuality to describe the attitudes, values and feelings associated with sexuality. The five circles refer to intimacy, sensuality, sexual identity, sexualization and sexual health/reproduction. Sensuality includes our lifelong need for touch. In other words, sexuality isn’t just sex, and sex isn’t just vaginal penetration. Yes, pregnant women remain sexual people. I agree with you.

Here are some common sex/pregnancy myths:

Myth 1: Women don’t want to have sex during pregnancy. Fact: Every woman is different. During pregnancy a woman’s body changes and her sexual desire varies. Some women feel very sexy and want to make love; others have less interest in sex but still need to connect with their partners. Not all women share their pregnancies with an involved partner. Some women experience their first orgasms during pregnancy. Their bodies are more sensitive, and oxytocin, the hormone flooding a woman’s body when she’s pregnant, can increase feelings of lust. Women often feel differently during each pregnancy. That’s OK. What’s normal is what’s normal for you.

Myth 2: Sex during pregnancy will hurt the baby. Fact: Babies are protected by the amniotic sac, the cervix and a thick mucous plug in the cervix. Babies don’t know if their moms are having sex. Very few women should avoid vaginal penetration during pregnancy. Placenta previa (a condition where the placenta is blocking the cervix), a history of premature labor, unexplained bleeding and a weak cervix are rare situations where vaginal sex should be avoided. Ask your health-care provider. Be creative with positions. Comfort is important; avoid pressure on the mom’s abdomen or back during the last months.

Myth 3: Sex will start labor. Fact: The uterus may contract (tighten) during and after sex, especially after orgasm, but as long as the women’s not at risk for premature labor, those contractions will just go away. The hormone prostaglandin is present in semen, and its synthetic version can be used to induce labor. The synthetic version has much higher concentrations than the levels in semen. Again, talk with your health-care provider.

Myth 4: Bleeding after sex is dangerous. Fact: Spotting (a little bleeding during or after vaginal sex) is common. The cervix is sensitive to touch during pregnancy and can easily bleed. If the bleeding is a small amount, it’s OK. If unsure, call your provider. Remember, sex does not need to include vaginal penetration.

Myth 5: Sex should resume at six weeks postpartum (after birth). Fact: Depending on the birth, most providers recommend waiting six weeks to have vaginal penetration. This date should vary depending on the birth. If a woman has an episiotomy, it needs to heal completely. Once again, think about sexuality as more than physical sex. Holding one another, kissing, giving massages and enjoying your partner in other ways can give a woman’s body time to heal. Communicate! Saying “not yet” isn’t a rejection of your partner.

New babies seem to sense when parents are interested in having sex. It’s a miracle we find time to create a second baby. Enjoy life while pregnant; becoming a parent is a huge but amazing life change. I wish you a healthy pregnancy, birth and postpartum.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email at podmj@healthyteens.com.