Jun 3, 2015 5 min read

Saying goodbye to outstanding peer educators is bittersweet. I will miss them, but I know I’ll see them again, and I wish them joy. As a parting gift, our graduating peer educators led a dynamic conversation on the top ten things parents need to know about teens. Twenty-six diverse teens ages 14 to 18 took part in this discussion.

• Feelings: We are people just like you. Sometimes, we need some space. We need to feel accepted as we’re growing and changing, especially by you. We get sad sometimes; it’s not always easy to stop being sad. Our sadness may have nothing to do with you or our families. We don’t always want to talk about our problems.

• Independence: We are learning to be independent. Please respect our opinions and ideas; they are just as important as yours. We’re creative. Teens don’t all think alike. Some are conservative and some are liberal. We do care about what’s happening in the world. A lot of things are not a “phase.” Don’t give us too much. Be there, though. We still need you.

• Decisions: We need to make our own decisions, and we can be wrong sometimes. It is part of growing up. Just because you did or didn’t do something as a teen, doesn’t mean we will do the same. We will eventually do things you may not approve of, even if it’s something small. We’ll make our own mistakes. Please help us learn from them.

• Stress: We become stressed because of school and relationships in ways you may not understand. Our school work isn’t all that defines us. We’re complicated, but so is life. Encouragement and help from you are great things. Usually, we want to please you. It may be awkward to talk about weird stuff with you; please respect that. Save grounding for real stuff, not little things. Follow through.

• Knowledge: We know we have a lot to learn, but we do know a lot. Knowledge doesn’t corrupt. Times have changed. We need information you may not have needed when you were our age. Some of us question a lot. That’s OK. We’ll figure things out.

• Listen: We love your attention. Listening to us makes us feel like we matter. Our relationships can mean a lot to us. Please don’t mock them or make fun of the people we like. When we text with friends, it’s like they’re in the same room with us. Texting is our way of talking.

• Family: Please don’t expect the older children to parent the younger children. Even though they’re the youngest, the youngest children are not always babies. We know it’s hard, but please try not to pick favorites. We know if you do. We know when serious things happen in the family. Please include us in important discussions. If you ignore telling us, negative stuff doesn’t go away. It’s actually easier to know what’s happening than to guess the worst.

• Identity: We are unique; that means not identical to you, our siblings or anyone else. We want you to nurture us and understand the needs of a teen who is growing up. We’re not as bad as you think. Not all of us are having sex, doing drugs or drinking alcohol. Please don’t judge us by the stories you hear or the things you read in the news.

• Gratitude: We may not always say it, but we are grateful for you. Please be grateful for us. We want to enjoy life, find work that matters, be with the right person and be happy. We also know we’re not perfect, but then, no one is.

• Finally: We need you to be there for us, through the good and the bad, to listen when we need it, help us learn and love us unconditionally. School doesn’t teach us how to “adult.” We need you to help us. Remember, you’re our first role models. We’re watching you. In return, we promise to respect you, try hard to make you happy and honor you as our parents.

Happy graduation, seniors! Thank you for the priceless gift of your time. Kudos to Jamie Barton, Tyler Bryzinski, Breanne Carr, Rachael Crosbie, Mikayla DeBaker, Serena Green, Cassidy Hiles, Michael Hilzendeger, Josh Larkin, Robbi Linton, Mackenzie Martin, Kellie Mendicino, Gavin Saldivar, Malik Wells and Ean Wise.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s at email podmj@healthyteens.com.