Jun 25, 2015 3 min read

The feeling is finally returning to my limbs, and I can almost stand up straight again after my nights in a college dorm. I’m still impressed that I was able to sleep at all.

I was a chaperone for a group of teens on a field trip to Washington, D.C. For two nights, we stayed in the dormitories of a large university in town. I knew going in this wouldn’t be a restful excursion, and so I tried to stock up on sleep before I left. I should have stocked up on a portable bed.

Is this really what we all slept on all those years in college? Could this be why the students I teach in my university writing classes seem tired, and sometimes cranky?

Upon entering my room, I saw my home for the next three days: two wooden desks, two built-in cabinets, one small window and two beds – each encased in dark blue vinyl that’s likely meant to deter bedbugs. Each bed was the approximate width of a yoga mat.

Yes, I fit on my yoga mat, but with a few embarrassing exceptions, I do not sleep on my yoga mat. Sleep requires a certain amount of splaying of limbs, and there was no way either of these beds would accommodate any of that. Hey, I said, I’ll push them together and make one twin bed. Alas, they were bolted to the floor (as if anyone would want to steal them).

The bed closest to the air conditioning (it was 98 degrees in D.C. this week) was higher than the other, somewhere between the level of a bottom bunk and a top bunk. I climbed aboard using the arched-back maneuver of a high jumper at a track meet. Turns out that vinyl mattress cover keeps out not only bedbugs but also Bethie. The momentum required to heave myself into the bed also sent me scooting across the slippery vinyl and out the other side and onto the floor.

OK, time to make the bed.

The linens on the shelf were freshly laundered and also sized for a bassinet. Unable to cover the entire bed with the sheet, I was faced with a decision: better to have the sheet under my feet or under my head? I went for feet because the pillow covered the bare spot at the top.

If I could commit to one sleeping position, I might make it through the night. However, any movement – and that would include scratching, noticeable breathing and REM eye twitching – would activate a chain of events to slide me across the vinyl.

I did somehow fall asleep. I woke the first morning curled like a cinnamon bun in the middle of the mattress. The sheet, blanket and pillow had slid onto the floor during the night.

The second night was pretty much the same. Every bump on the bus ride home was like a dagger.

Once home, I immediately went up to my firm, nonslippery queen mattress and took a big, fat nap.

And to think I slept in a dorm bed for five semesters of college. How did I do that and still manage to get passing grades? Or even to walk?

The trip reminded me it’s hard to be a college student. Poor things have to sleep like that every night. From now on, when my students show up tired and cranky, I’m going to be nicer to them.

Beth Dolinar can be reached at cootiej@aol.com.