Mar 4, 2015 5 min read

Q.I understand from a friend that you help teen parents. I wish I lived closer to you. My baby is due in May and I don’t have much support here at all, especially since I started to show. My mom is helping me. My doctor is pretty cold to me. I worry about how I’ll be treated at the hospital when I go to deliver my baby. The other problem is with people at school. My teachers pretty much ignore me except for this one who is kind and asks how I’m feeling. Other kids at school either are mean or talk trash about me. I only have one friend left, and she gets picked on too now because she sticks by me. Is there any way you can help me long-distance? What can I say to other kids at school? My ex isn’t helping, either. He talks about me all the time. People know he’s the daddy, but no one looks down on him. He acts like it’s no big deal. Maybe it isn’t a big deal to him. Thanks.

15-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: You deserve respect and support. A mother’s age should not determine how well she is treated as she prepares for her baby’s birth. I supported my first teen mother in the ’70s, and I’ve spent most of my life as a teen advocate. Yes, I can help you long-distance.

I’d like to connect with someone at your school. Administrators and guidance personnel should commit to the well-being of all their students. I will be happy to offer an in-service on the emotional and physical needs of young parents. Your mom is a support; I can help her connect with your school in a positive but assertive way. School should be a safe place for all young people; changes must be made to help you feel protected and welcome there. I believe adults need to model respect for you. Your peers’ attitudes reflect the disrespect they see from adults. Continue to connect with the supportive teacher.

When I began volunteering with young parents, many schools and communities were punitive and judgmental to teen mothers. While attitudes have improved, some areas still do not grasp the importance of support. With support you will graduate high school, go on to job training or secondary education, and find a successful place in your community. Without support the chance of these positive results lowers. Research supports my philosophy. Our Pregnant and Parenting Teen program provides educational mentoring and one-on-one support for young parents. Our outcomes are excellent. Over 90 percent of our young parents graduate high school; nationally only a third of teen parents complete school.

Ask your mom to accompany you to doctor visits. She can be your advocate. Arrange a meeting with your hospital. Share your plans for your birth. Talk about your needs. Be respectful. Model the respect you deserve from them.

Please remember these important facts:

1. You are a person of worth. You’re worthy of support.

2. You can make the choice to parent well. Age does not determine your parenting skills.

3. You can choose a healthy relationship in the future. Your past relationship does not appear to be supportive. Your ex is still your baby’s father. Seek legal support if necessary.

4. The best gift you can give your baby is graduation. Success is a wonderful way to prove your detractors wrong.

5. You deserve respectful health care. If your provider doesn’t support you emotionally, do you have options for change? You should be treated no differently than any other mother.

Prepare for your birth. An excellent book by my dear friends Judith Lothian and Charlotte DeVries is “The Lamaze Guide: Giving Birth with Confidence.” I’m writing a workbook for teen parents that will be published this summer. I will send you a PDF of the chapters on preparing for birth.

We trained 27 excellent peer educators last week. I presented your question to them, and their responses were passionate. Let’s continue our conversation.

Peer Educator response: Stay positive. Your biggest supporter is yourself. Ultimately you attend school to receive an education. People gossip. People can be cruel. You can’t control what people say about you, but you can control how you take it. Keep messaging Mary Jo with questions and to get support. You’re not alone. Spend time with your mom and your friend. At school talk with the teacher who is kind to you. We have a lot of respect for you and what you’re going through. Your baby’s well-being is the most important thing now. Your doctor should make you feel comfortable. See a different doctor if possible. Your hospital should be welcoming and treat you with respect, as they should all patients. You have the right to feel safe. Congratulations on your baby!

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.