Mar 27, 2015 3 min read

Scientists now believe there is water on the moons of Jupiter and Saturn. Ganymede, Europa and Enceladus might have oceans under their icy surfaces. If the water is warm, it could contain aquatic life. It is fun to speculate there might be fish, whales or other kinds of creatures elsewhere in the solar system.

Granted, you’d need an awfully big ice pick to even get at that water; it’s miles under an icy crust, but that’s some seriously committed ice fisherman’s job to worry about.

I got to thinking, like I do, if there were fish on another planet or moon, would you eat that fish?

It would be a while before we’d get to go to an interplanetary fish fry, but it’s worth considering. Even if they find water and it’s drinkable, I don’t think I’d want to be the guy who has the first sip. I fell for that trick in Mexico.

I don’t think I’d eat alien fish, even if it was Good Friday.

They might be really ugly. Of course, that never stopped humans from eating anything before. Look to the lobster. I often wonder about the first man or woman who saw a lobster crawling along a beach and said, “That looks delicious. Let’s eat that.” Think about it. They ate lobsters before we knew how to harvest lemons or make butter.

Those alien fish could possibly be smarter than us. Or they could consider us dinner. The Syfy channel hasn’t made a movie called “Space Sharks” yet?

It’s intriguing to think there might be other life forms right here in our solar system. I’d like to imagine we have more than fish up there. Let’s not rule out the possibility of a race of mer-people. Mer-people would be cool. If we found other humanoids in the galaxy, we probably wouldn’t get along with them, either. I don’t get along with my neighbors down here. Why would I think I’d be able to get along with my off-planet neighbors?

They could be really smart. They might think we’re idiots. They might be able to see Ted Cruz from up there.

I pick on him because he’d be the first one to be against human/alien marriages. The first astronaut who takes home a Jovian Moon Mermaid would have a lot of explaining to do.

I used to be concerned for Captain Kirk. He’d always kiss these alien girls, and I had to wonder, “How does he know they have the same parts under that miniskirt?” Who knows what’s down there?

If I recall, Spock didn’t have his heart in the same place we did. Why did Kirk assume the alien girls were put together the same way? They could be like garden snails (garden snails are hermaphrodites) or starfish (starfish have genitals that go up their arms). Maybe he didn’t care.

Let’s not eat, drink or mate with anything off-world just yet, just to be safe.