Apr 20, 2016 3 min read

Q My mom and her new boyfriend talk openly about their sex lives. Why would she do that? How do I stop her?

14-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: I’m not sure why your mom shares personal things with others in her family. I am sure your discomfort is typical. Few of us like to think of our parents as sexual human beings. I remember feeling weird when I “figured out” how I was born. Young people your age often share how “gross” it is to understand sex and conception, and then connect sex with their parents. One 12-year-old told me, “It would be easier if they got me from Babies R Us.”

Part of this discomfort comes from our cultural reluctance to discuss sexuality in general. In my opinion, we are often of two minds when sex is concerned. Sex sells consumer products. Sex is part of most movie plots and many novels. Sex is big business. Yet sex education is limited or not available to many young people.

Your mom may feel comfortable talking openly in front of you because she wants to be the kind of parent who is transparent and holds nothing back. It’s also possible she doesn’t realize you’re uncomfortable. Her personal values may tell her she’s not revealing anything wrong.

If you’re uneasy, I think your mom needs to know she’s making you uncomfortable. Communicate your feelings. Try talking with her alone. Be respectful. Don’t attack. Be honest. Clearly tell her how you feel.

If communicating your concerns doesn’t change her conversation, I suggest talking with another trusted adult like a grandparent or aunt/uncle. Letting someone in your family know you’re upset could anger your mom, so be cautious. Good luck.

Peer Educators’ response: She might not stop. Some of us have experienced this exact situation. You can try to have a serious talk with her, telling her how public she is and that it makes you uncomfortable. Ask her to keep these types of things private.

We know this doesn’t sound like the right thing to do, but a few of us have found that making jokes about our parents’ sex lives in front of them makes them less likely to do it.

Your mom may not be doing this to offend you. She may not understand limits, or she may feel close to you and not realize how you feel about it. We think you should try to explain how you feel.

Youth Champions: Shout out to our Real Talk Performers cast for our newest play, “Through My Eyes.” The original educational drama deals with the stigma connected to mental illness and teaches about mental health. Rehearsing now for their premiere at our Annual Youth Conference on May 12 are Bailey Batch, LaShauna Crouthers, Jacob Engel, Elle Free, Daniel Gysi, Koron Harris, Amara Kennedy, Toni Maurer, Daniel Pascoe, Angus Pinkerton, Matt Stroop, Shelby Studt, Maggie Thompson, Maci Ward and Landan Weakland.