Dec 14, 2016 4 min read

Q. My friend sent me pictures of him harming himself. I’ve talked with him about this three different times. He kept on harming himself. He said it would be better if he was dead.

I realized I couldn’t continue seeing him like this. I had to stand up and do more. I called his parents. This is what I should have done the first time. Now he’s receiving the professional care he needs. Do you think I was right? My message to others is you shouldn’t wait to act. I should have acted the first time it happened. You should act the first time, because sometimes the third time is too late.

18-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: Yes, I think you did the right thing.

Knowing how to handle a friend’s emotional problems can be challenging; when in doubt, do something. Connecting with me was wise. Talk with your parents or other trusted adults. If you’re unable to reach someone for help, do exactly what you did – connect with the adults in your friend’s life.

Here are some thoughts about depression and suicide:

1. Depression is common. Feeling sad doesn’t mean a person is suicidal.

2. When a person’s sadness and hopelessness won’t go away, they may consider suicide.

3. A common myth states people who talk about suicide don’t go through with it. Not true. People who talk about suicide may try it.

A friend may share an emotional state with you before telling parents or other adults. You are not responsible for your friend’s sadness or actions. It’s not your fault if a friend causes harm to self. It is important to seek help right away. You’re correct – waiting to tell an adult can be dangerous.

Here are some warning signs of suicide:

1. Talking about feeling hopeless or not worthy – “It wouldn’t matter if I was dead.”

2. Talking about leaving or going away – “I won’t see you in school tomorrow because I won’t be here.”

3. Talking about death or suicide in general

4. Pulling away from friends or family

5. Stopping activities or losing the desire to hang out or leave the house

6. Changes in sleeping habits (sleeping a lot, sleeping very little)

7. Self-destructive behavior (taking drugs, drinking alcohol, driving fast, for example)

Two online resources are the Suicide Prevention Lifeline ( https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) and the Trevor Project (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/). Both have 24/7 hotlines. Locally, the Washington County Crisis Hotline is 877-225-3567. The crisis line offers emergency mental health services provided by the Washington BHDS (Behavioral Health and Developmental Services). The line is available 24/7, seven days a week, 365 days a year.

Please take time to process this experience and take care of yourself. Doing the right thing is not always easy. When your friend is healthy, he may be angry with you. Remember, you put his safety first. I’m proud of you.