Feb 10, 2016 3 min read

Q. Why do I keep picking losers? I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year. He’s older than me. At first I thought being with him was perfect. He has a car, and I like getting away from the house. I fight with my mom all the time. But he doesn’t have a job or go to school, and he never has any money. My last boyfriend was like that, too, and the one before him. What’s wrong with me? Why do I fall for the wrong guy?

– 18-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: Relationships are often challenging. Love alone doesn’t create a healthy relationship.

I like your insight. Looking back on choices and realizing mistakes is a sign of maturity. Let’s look at what you’ve shared. You once thought your relationship was perfect. The rush of first attraction can mask common sense. No relationship is perfect, but emotions can give a false sense of well-being. Thinking with our heads and not our hearts takes effort. Stepping back and analyzing choices is wise.

You mention wanting to get away from home. Have you considered your motivation for choosing boyfriends? Using a poor relationship as a way to escape doesn’t work in the long run. You’re starting to realize you deserve more.

I don’t think something is wrong with you as a person. You’re growing and learning who you are and what you want. Finding the courage to end an unhealthy relationship is tough, but I think you’re ready.

Have you read the book or watched the movie “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”? A quote from the book applies to your situation: “We accept the love we think we deserve.” You are a person of worth; you deserve a relationship where both people are empowered.

A healthy relationship is based on mutual respect, trust, communication, shared goals and visions, and love. In a healthy relationship, each person learns to compromise and both people contribute.

Being single can be frightening, but independence can give you the opportunity to discover your own path. One of the most important choices you’ll make in life deals with choosing a partner (if you want one). Take your time, be wise, talk with trusted adults and be honest with yourself. Have confidence in your worth. Wait for a partner you deserve.

Peer educators’ response: You’re worth more. Be strong and end this if it’s not right for you. There’s nothing wrong with being single.

Q. How can I be a peer educator? I want to answer your questions for the newspaper.

– 14-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: It’s easy to join peer education. Connect with me via my email (podmj@healthyteens.com) or text/call my cell (412-877-4906). Our peer educators meet every Thursday from 5 to 7 p.m. at the Common Ground Teen Center (53 N. College St. in Washington). Peer educators are trained to teach others, to be part of our Real Talk Performers educational drama group, and as advisers for this column. Our next training is Feb. 20. You will be welcomed and accepted by a diverse group of excellent young people. Looking forward to meeting you.