Jul 6, 2016 3 min read

Q.My brother is two years older than me and autistic. He’s great to be around, has a wonderful sense of humor and is very loyal. He doesn’t lie or make fun of others. He’s just not normal. When we were kids, he often played with my friends, but now I feel like I might lose friends if he hangs out with us. I’m confused. I don’t want him to be alone. I don’t want to be alone either. Can you write about autism? Can you help me explain to my friends that my brother isn’t scary?

14-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: I applaud your courage in writing. I admire your love and support for your brother. I feel for your anxiety about losing friends. Let’s talk.

I want you to know something important: Your friends already are receiving a great education about accepting others. Your example speaks louder than words. The wonderful character traits you list when describing your brother demonstrate the respect you feel for him. Watching you interact with him is a life lesson. Give your friends a chance; they may surprise you with their support.

I’d like you to think about the word normal. Your brother’s life is normal to him. We typically see life through our own eyes. Normal is what is right for each of us. A better word to use for behavior most people exhibit might be typical. Most people – typically – are not living on the autism spectrum.

A spectrum is a range of differences. Autistic people live with a range of neurological differences called the autism spectrum; each person is unique. The word neurological refers to our nervous system. Autistic people may learn in different ways, respond to sensory stimulation like noise or touch differently, need routine and order, move in repetitive ways (like rocking), be very focused, and experience challenges with social interaction. Not all autistic people show these behaviors.

Autistic people are diverse, bright and creative. I’m an ally with a group called ASAN (Autistic Self-Advocacy Network). ASAN (http://autisticadvocacy.org/home/about-asan) believes the goal of autism advocacy should be a world in which autistic people enjoy the same access, rights and opportunities as all others. I’m also a consultant to a great local group called Arc Human Services. Through these groups, I’ve learned the concept of neurodiversity. Neurodiversity advocates believe differences in learning and disability are real ways people express their self-worth and being.

Your brother will contribute to our world in his own way. A great series of books authored by an autistic person, Temple Grandin, helps typical individuals explore the life of an autistic person. Temple Grandin is a scientist who specializes in animal behavior. Her writings help bridge the gap between her life and others. I recommend “Thinking in Pictures: My Life with Autism” and “The Autistic Brain: Helping Different Kinds of Minds Succeed.”

May I suggest you and your brother attend our Common Ground Teen Center (53 N. Main St.)? Connect with me and I’ll meet you there. Our young people believe each person is a person of worth. Both you and your brother will be welcome, accepted and make new friends. Your current friends would fit in, as well. Please keep in touch.