Jul 15, 2016 3 min read

Run! They’re in your backyard. They’re at the Carnegie Museum of Art. They’re at Starbucks. My phone is telling me they are everywhere. In your house, on the train and in a boat; with a mouse, with a fox, with a goat. No, it’s not Sam I Am. Strange creatures are popping up wherever there are smartphones. The Pokemon invaded our world … albeit virtually.

Pokemon Go is sweeping the nation, and it’s causing unimagined consequences. Nerds are getting out in the sunshine! They’re also wandering down dangerous back alleys, crossing into traffic and ignoring their day jobs.

I’m new to the Pokemon Universe. I just learned this week Pokemon are fictional creatures who battle each other for sport. Essentially, it’s Fight Club for fictional critters. I’m probably not even supposed to tell you this. The first rule of Fight Club is to never talk about Fight Club. Strangely, it’s also the second rule of Fight Club. I don’t know what the third rule is, but I bet it has something to do with zipping it.

The Pokemon are fighting each other for sport. It’s a good thing they’re fictional, or PETA would be on our butts so fast. That’s fantasy creature cruelty!

Apparently, these Pocket Monsters … i.e. Pokemon (portmanteau?) are everywhere. They’re in animated television shows, movies, comic books, toys and trading cards. Pokemon is the second-most successful video game franchise in the world. They fall right behind those brothers, Mario and Luigi. Don’t ask me where Pac-Man falls on the list. That’s the only video game I play, probably because Pac-Man eats his problems away.

Balbasaur, Beedrill, Wartortle, Psyduck, Alakazam, Primeape and, of course, Pikachu are all out there, minding their own business, waiting to be caught and trained to fight. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen one, but they’re very cartoonish creatures. They’re the most nonthreatening monsters since Herman, Lily, Eddie, Marilyn and Grandpa.

Pokemon Go is played in an “augmented reality.” I haven’t been in an augmented reality since college. Much like the aforementioned Italian brothers, my augmented reality involved mushrooms. Nowadays, an augmented reality means there’s an image on your phone overlaid onto whatever was really in front of you, like an overhead projector casting an image on a wall.

I don’t begrudge these happy little monster catchers. I don’t mean to disparage them. They’re out in the world having fun. Don’t we all need more fun in our lives? I remember making fun of people for reading “Harry Potter.” I shouted, “It’s a kid’s book!” It was long after I got caught up in the fervor of the books and the movies. I even cried when they buried the elf (not a euphemism).

Side note: I was recently on a podcast, Sinister Dreamcast, with Nick, Julianna and Megan, and we were discussing the importance of entertainment. Art, music, books, television and movies can be soul-renewing. They can enliven us.

But I digress, like I do. My only concern with the game is all the weird side-effects I mentioned earlier. People are ignoring careers and their partners, darting into traffic and making a general mess of things.

Beware! The real pocket monster is your cellphone.