Jun 22, 2016 3 min read

Q. I want a phone. The kind where I can go online and use social media. My mom says I’m too young. She also says I’m immature. She says we can’t afford a phone for me right now. She told me to write you and see what you say. I’m the only person I know without one. All my friends have a phone. I’m going into sixth grade in the fall. How can I go back to school without a phone? – 11-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: Wanting a phone makes sense to you. You feel isolated. Your friend group consists of phone owners. I hear your frustration. Before I give you my thoughts, I want you to know your voice matters and your feelings are important. It’s OK to feel angry. Please continue sharing with your mom. I’d also like you to carefully read our peer educators’ comments below. They’re closer to your age, and their thoughts may be helpful.

I agree with your mom. Here are my reasons:

• Having a phone isn’t a right, it’s a privilege. We all may wish we had the things friends appear to enjoy. Learning to accept what we cannot have is a good way to grow as a person. You won’t be the only sixth-grader without a phone.

• Phones are expensive. Your mom shared finances with you. Accepting her disappointing decision with respect is one way to thank her for all the other things she does for you.

• Maturity is more important than age. I know young people older than you who aren’t really ready for the kind of phone you want. Show your mom how grown up you’re becoming by your everyday actions.

• Responsible ownership is important. Have you demonstrated responsibility?

• Social media is for mature people. Most social media sites have age limits for their use; your age is below those limits. Drama and bullying are very real consequences of using social media. Waiting is smart.

Our peer educators all agreed you need to wait to have access to the power a phone can bring. Listen to their words.

Peer Educator response:

• Be patient.

• You’ll survive. It may feel like everyone has a phone, but they are easily broken or lost. They’re expensive. You need to prove you’re old enough for the responsibility.

• At 11 there’s a lot you need to understand about the world. I know you don’t want to hear that you’re too young, but you truly are. Sorry.

• A phone gives you access to websites, apps and information an 11-year-old shouldn’t be able to reach. At 11 you should play outside and have fun with friends. Be a child. You have plenty of time to be a teen.

• At 11, you probably only go out with parents. You don’t need a phone to connect with a ride.

• Most teens use phones for social media, but 11 is too young.

• If you want a phone for pictures or games, ask for a camera or a handheld gaming system.