May 18, 2016 4 min read

Q. How do I get over my attraction to someone? This person isn’t good for me. My friends tell me he’s not. I know he’s not. But when I look at him, I can’t stop thinking about him. Of course, he doesn’t know I exist, which kind of helps. Do you think I love him? I’ve never even talked with him. I’d like to stop thinking about him.

13-year-old

Mary Jo’s response:

How mature you sound! I’m so pleased you connected with me, and I’m proud you’re thinking before acting.

Many adults struggle with the type of attraction you describe. In fact, I believe the feelings you’re questioning are perfectly normal.

Let’s talk about the difference between love and lust. Both are powerful. Love is often misused. People can feel attracted to someone based on physical characteristics, personality or another connection. If you see someone across a room and think, “Ummmm … yes!” it’s a physical attraction and you’re feeling lust. Lust can be instantaneous and OK. Only actions involve risk.

Love takes time to develop. Two people need to know one another to feel real love. Often people say, “I love you” without thinking through their feelings.

I think you’re feeling lust for this person. You’re wise to question the difference between love and lust. You ask how to get over your attraction. The first step is acknowledging he’s not right for you. We can continue talking if you wish. Thinking about your feelings is very wise.

Some hints for moving forward:

• Get involved: Volunteer with programs where young people help others, like our Teen Outreach peer education program.

• Spend time with friends and family: When you’re having fun with others, you’ll be more likely to stay in the present moment.

• Share your feelings: Talk with your mom or another trusted adult in your family. You may be surprised to learn these adults experienced the same feelings.

• Be open to others: Attraction can be time-consuming and draining if it becomes an obsession. Staying open to the goodness of others is healthy. Hang out with a group of friends – you have time to be in a relationship.

• Stay true to your instincts: If you know he’s not good for you, stay strong.

Good luck!

Youth Champions

Our Real Talk Performers were outstanding last week. Thank you to LaShauna Carruthers, Hailey Duncan, Sasha Edwards, Jacob Engle, Daniel Gysi, Koron Harris, Toni Maurer, Daniel Pascoe, Angus Pinkerton, Matthew Stroop, Shelby Studt, Maggie Thompson, Maci Ward and Landan Weakland for premiering our latest educational drama on mental health, “Through My Eyes,” at our countywide Youth Conference May 12. A special shout-out to Koron for stepping in to replace an actor on five hours’ notice! The performers then presented “Alphabet Soup” at the WCGSA fundraiser May 14. Once again, I am grateful to these courageous teens: LaShauna Carruthers, Sasha Edwards, Daniel Gysi, Koron Harris, Colin Hale, Emma Lyle, Toni Maurer, Daniel Pascoe, Angus Pinkerton, Dallas Stopperich, Maggie Thompson and Landan Weakland. Colin, Emma, and Dallas did their first performance with us that night, on less than 24 hours’ notice! Thank you to our director, Amy Podgurski Gough. I am so blessed to spend time with these amazing people!