Oct 26, 2016 4 min read

Q.I’m a senior. I leave for college next year. My little brother is 13 and in seventh grade. I’ve been answering his questions about sex for a long time. Our parents think he’s too young for information about sex, but I know he’s not. He asks me some pretty tough questions. He hears so many things on the bus and from friends. I’m just glad he talks with me. How do I tell my mom and dad he’s old enough to learn about sex? I know I can connect with him from college, but I’d feel better if he could talk to our parents. I never could. Not being able to talk with my parents made me turn to friends for information, until I had your class. You helped me figure out my own body and the need to respect it and to respect others. You taught me consent. I want my parents to be open to my brother. Thanks.

17-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: Thank you for being there for your brother. In my opinion, childhood has become truncated – shortened. The questions I received 10 years ago from young people your age are now asked by middle school youth.

Too often adults fear sex ed. Knowledge does not equal experience, nor does information encourage sexual involvement. Any child with a smartphone or tablet is a few clicks away from explicit sexual content; I regularly receive questions based on online exposure to misinformation. Young people need to process what they see and hear. Adults need to be there.

Share this column with your parents. Your courage in doing so may open a door to communication for you and your brother. I know you may feel “old,” but a 17-year-old can benefit from adult wisdom. Stay in contact with your brother when you’re in college; you are already a great role model. Keep connected with me as well.

Stress your brother’s courage; he is open to advice. Tell your parents you wish you could have gone to them with your concerns when you were your brother’s age. Encourage them to seek information on how to use teachable moments. I’ll be thrilled to talk with them.

I asked our peer educators for their wisdom. Some are close to your brother’s age, and some are a little older than you, but all are living in adolescent culture. Their voices reflect the needs of your brother’s generation.

Peer Educator response: Children need information as soon as they begin using the internet. When children start having questions, with or without online access, they are old enough to have those questions answered. It’s better to get facts from adults than false information from friends. Peer pressure can increase experimentation. When young people are well informed, they are more likely to make good decisions. Sex should be explained along with information on puberty – the puberty stuff doesn’t make sense otherwise. When their bodies are changing and they start to have feelings of attraction, they need adults who are straightforward. The information should focus on being safe, on the difference between love and lust, on respecting their partners, and on consent. They shouldn’t be taught abstinence only. Many teens will have sex; some will not. It’s a big decision that requires a lot of courage and confidence. Too many adults use fear tactics to scare kids into not having sex. That doesn’t work. Sex is part of life; parents need to be open and honest and willing to listen.