Sep 1, 2016 3 min read

Two of the three dogs living with us are Shetland sheepdogs, a breed known for barking. So skittish and quick to bark are they that something as subtle as my walking down the stairs will cause an eruption. Dog number one, the Wheaten terrier, Howard, never really barked until dogs two and three moved in and taught him their bad habits. A knock on the door will cause a chorus of barking, both high-pitched and low, that continues until a human yells at them to stop.

But nothing gets the dogs going like the word “Pupperoni.”

Pupperoni is the dog snack version of the beef stick or Slim Jim. We buy them by the bag, as treats to be doled out a couple of times a day. All it takes is a quiet mention of the word – or something that sounds like it – to get the three of them spinning, barking and running to the kitchen. There, the farmer will pull the red bag from the cabinet above the fridge, take out one long stick, break it into three pieces and hand them to the dogs.

Nothing else – not pats on the head, belly rubs, walks or romps through the yard – will bring such a display of wanton greed and delight.

Scientists are learning new things about dogs’ brains, and they’re finding that dogs probably understand more language than we’d previously thought. During all the years of dogs when I was growing up, I was told they respond to the sound of their name being called, not the actual word. To test the theory, we would call “Lazy” instead of “Daisy” and the little red dog would come running.

There are lots of words that sound sort of like Pupperoni. Phony, for example. Or baloney, stoney, coney, tony or bony. Recently, we were watching “My Best Friend’s Wedding” on TV and I said something about the actor Dermot Mulroney, and I swear the little sheltie, Smoothie, perked up his ears. Likewise, say “supper” loud enough, and you trigger a riot of wishful thinking. I suspect it’s the “up” sound they’re responding to and not any understanding that supper means food.

And ordering a pepperoni pizza on the phone is just not something we do in front of the dogs anymore.

I remember a visit to a friend’s house years ago. She had three pugs, and those pugs loved cheese. She would stand in the kitchen and yell “Cheese” and the dogs would erupt with joy. Can you imagine trying to have a Christmas card photo taken with those pugs in it? Really, say “Cheese”?

People like to think their dogs are smart. And I suppose there are some dogs who actually are smart, including guide dogs and the dogs that sniff for bombs and such.

But I’m afraid my dogs are not among the smart. We’ve conditioned them to respond to a treat, which makes them not so much smart as just hungry. And probably a bit greedy.

Beth Dolinar can be reached at cootiej@aol.com.