Apr 12, 2017 5 min read

Q. My daughter is 15 and wants to watch “13 Reasons Why” on Netflix. She’s dealt with depression in the past. I’m afraid to let her watch it. I know it’s about suicide. What do you think?

Mary Jo response: Your question is incredibly important. It shows concern for your daughter and an awareness of teen depression and suicide. I think the series, although flawed, can help you communicate with your daughter and fuel your connection. Watch it with her and discuss it, but be prepared first.

I read Jay Asher’s novel “13 Reasons Why” when it was released in 2007. I try to read all books targeting young adults. I knew young people would be drawn to it. The topic of suicide is intense, and the book is packed with teen drama, yet I do feel there are teachable moments within the story.

The recent adaptation of the book for a Netflix series is creating a phenomenon. At least half of my middle and high school students tell me they’re watching it. The story is about Hannah, a high school student who ends her own life and records 13 cassette tapes blaming 13 individuals for her death. Hannah’s friend Clay receives the tapes and must listen to them to understand his role in her suicide, while other teens struggle to keep their connections secret.

The series deviates from the book in the level of drama/mystery/suspense added to the story. Spoilers going forward – there are intense situations/scenes involving bullying, slut-shaming, lying and rape. The last episode portrays Hannah’s suicide graphically, and the series alludes to a copycat suicide. There are several trigger warnings online. A trigger warning alerts a viewer or reader of disturbing content that could cause distress.

My main concern about the series deals with its message. Suicide is not a natural way to solve life’s problems. The teens in the series consistently lie; the adults, including the guidance counselor Hannah finally seeks out for help, are consistently out of touch. Caring adults need to be aware of adolescent depression and angst. The series never discusses depression, mental illness or treatment. Knowing how to support a vulnerable teen is vital. Affirming, positive messages and listening without judgment are key.

I’m glad your daughter asked your permission to watch the series; many young people are viewing it without consulting adults. I recommend using the complicated messages in the series as starting points for communication. There are excellent ways to support teens captivated by “13 Reasons Why.” Here are my thoughts, along with a list of some suicide prevention resources:

• Talking openly and honestly about the mental health themes in the series is important. Talking about treatment for depression won’t make a teen think of suicide; your concern and follow-up can make a difference.

• Suicide is not romantic. Hannah’s suicide is a tragedy.

• Most counselors are excellent professionals; the counselor in “13 Reasons Why” is not representative of good counseling. Help a depressed teen find a counselor who connects.

• Watch for signs of depression, like sadness, hopelessness, irritability, anger, frequent crying, pulling away from friends and family, changes in eating/sleeping habits, poor school performance or loss of interest in activities.

Know warning signs of suicidal ideation, which may include:

• Talking about suicide

• Deepening depression

• Preoccupation with death

• Self-destructive behavior

• Visiting or calling people who matter to the teen

• Giving away prized possessions

In the series, Hannah ‘lives on’ through the tapes and has the last word. Death is final in real life. Hannah blames others for her death. Survivors are not at fault. There are healthy ways to cope with problems like Hannah’s. Teens are not alone. I’m starting a discussion group on “13 Reasons Why” at our Common Ground Teen Center. Connect with me for more information.

Here are some resources:

• An educator’s guide to “13 Reasons Why” is available at http://www.penguin.com/static/images/yr/pdf/13ReasonsWhy_CCLP.pdf

• SAVE.org has created talking points at https://www.save.org/blog/tips-watching-new-netflix-series-13-reasons/

• The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1 -800- 273-TALK.

• More information on responding to teen suicide warning signs is available at: http://www.youthsuicidewarningsigns.org/.

Finally, a YouTube response to the series encourages caring adults and peers to give teens 13 reasons why they matter #13ReasonsWhyYouMatter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhSNFz0tOEQ. Use “13 Reasons Why” to teach and empower the young people in your life.

Peer Educator response: The daughter should be able to watch it. The mother is being cautious, and that’s OK. Her daughter will find a way to watch it or talk about it with friends even if she says no, so the best thing would be to trust her daughter and encourage her to talk with the mom. Take a look at the trigger warnings online. Watching it with her or talking about it with her is good. Teens are surprisingly strong, even with depression. The show opens people’s eyes to tough subjects. Adults, especially parents, need to know what teens face, so they can develop empathy.

Contact Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski with questions at podmj@healthyteens.com.