Dec 18, 2017 3 min read

It is inevitable. Just as sure as the stars will twinkle in the midnight sky, today, someone will say to me, “Did you see that new ‘Star Track’ movie this weekend?”

Where’s my Picard facepalm meme when I need it?

First of all, it’s Trek; second of all, it’s not Trek.

I know quite a few people who don’t know the difference between the two mega-movie franchises. Let’s explore the dissimilarities between the Stars, Trek and Wars.

My friend Brian once said, to an uninterested third party, “‘Star Wars’ is the one with the Muppets.”

It’s probably the simplest and most elegant distinction.

“Star Wars” has Muppets and robots and probably even robot Muppets.

Both franchises are vastly different. “Star Wars” has C3PO, a persnickety robot with golden eyes. “Star Trek” has Data, a persnickety robot with golden eyes.

On “Star Trek,” everyone basically looks like a human being, with a few exceptions. Some of the aliens have pointy ears or ridges on their foreheads or bumps on their eyebrows and noses. Everyone speaks English.

In “Star Wars,” everyone speaks their own language, but somehow understands each other. The aforementioned C3PO often translates the whirs, whistles and clicks of his diminutive pal, R2D2, but everyone seems to understand the sasquatch-shaped pilot, Chewbacca, even though he just growls and yowls.

In “Star Trek,” everyone wears the same uniform. There are very few color choices. The shirts are either tan, blue or red. If you find yourself on the bridge of the Enterprise, don’t let anyone talk you into wearing the red shirt, even if it’s your signature color!

There’s a longstanding in-joke on the television show that the characters in red shirts are the first to get laser-blasted.

Side note: A long time ago in this same galaxy, I used to drive a red car. I was told that police officers single out the red cars when they’re pointing their radar gun. Radar gun or ray gun, I won’t bet on red anymore.

On “Star Wars,” they have a diversity of alien landscapes, desert cantinas, ice planets and forests full of cute, cuddly Ewoks. If you’ve never seen an Ewok, imagine a teddy bear with an attitude.

On “Star Trek,” all planets used to look like sound stages with large Styrofoam boulders, until they upgraded to the movies. Now, the rocks are real.

In “Star Wars,” everyone is related. Luke and Leia lived across the galaxy from one another – only to find out they were brother and sister. They kissed once, but luckily it went no further. They could have gone from space opera to Greek tragedy at hyper-speed. They were one scene away from ending up on “The Jerry Springer Show.”

In space, no one can hear you groan.

All you really need to enjoy either film franchise is the willing suspension of disbelief. If someone drags you, kicking and screaming, to see “The Last Jedi” this week, just go with it.

And may the Force be with you.