Jan 1, 2017 3 min read

I would like to officially welcome you to the first Monday of 2017. There are going to be a lot of them this year, exactly 52. They won’t all be good, but they won’t all be bad, either. For the record, my favorite Mondays are Memorial Day, Labor Day and Presidents Day (listed in order of preference).

For the most part, I tend to agree with one of the most famous philosophers of our time, who once said, “I hate Mondays.” Yes. If you guessed Garfield … the cat, not the late president … give yourself a gold star for your forehead.

I get most of my words of wisdom from cartoon characters.

When Pogo said, “We’ve met the enemy, and he is us,” it stayed with me for a long time. Mostly, because it was engraved on a commemorative sippy cup I got from McDonalds, Burger King or Howard Johnson’s.

But I digress, like I do. Garfield made a fortune on hating Mondays and loving lasagna. Ninety-nine percent of the people I know hate the beginning of the work week and love Italian food. In comedy, that’s called low-hanging fruit. You’ll see a lot of that around here. Cerebral comedy might rear its ugly, wrinkled brain every now and again, but look for bad puns and an occasional double entendre in this space.

I’m just glad we’ve successfully navigated 2016. As you know, not everyone made it out alive. If you were a celebrity in 2016, you were probably sweating bullets until that ball dropped. I know many a fine musician and actor who went “Whew!” at midnight. Somewhere in a protective bunker in the Midwest, Betty White was chewing on her fingernails.

I’m ready for the New Year. I am just not ready for Monday. They seem to come quicker and faster as I get older.

I’m going to be with you on Mondays now, every other one. I’m cutting back to do more work in film and TV. Just remember, the camera adds 10 pounds. I have 27 ½ cameras on me right now.

But I will be here for you on the biweekly basis. We will trudge off to the salt mines together. Through rain, sleet, hail and snow. In Pennsylvania, that could all be on the same day!

I think Monday needs a rallying cry, something to get us moving in the right direction. The day needs some pithy saying that works like prune juice on our soul.

King Henry cried out, “Once more to the breach, dear friends!” That works really well when you’re busting down walls in seaside French towns, but maybe it’s not the best rallying cry as you get on a bus and go to work.

“Once more to the Park and Ride, dear friends!” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

I’ve tried everything from “Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war,” to “Avengers, assemble!” Nothing is working.

Instead, I’ll offer a kind blessing: May your Mondays not be manic. May you slip easily through the week and have a warm, wonderful weekend. May 2017 bring you prosperity in your wallet and pep in your step. Stay happy and healthy, dear friends.