Jan 11, 2017 4 min read

This month marks the start of this column’s 13th year! I am thrilled to write Ask Mary Jo. Responding to young people brings me joy.

I remember Park Burroughs asking me if I’d have enough questions to do a weekly column. I was correct in guessing I’d have no trouble obtaining material. Here I am, 622 columns later, blessed with a backlog of over 30 current questions from young people and adults.

I made myself two promises in January 2005: I would not fabricate questions, but respond to the actual needs of young people, and I would not miss a column. I’ve missed only one. During my first teaching trip to China in 2008, I was unable to get internet access from my hotel room and skipped one column. I’ve sent columns from 16 different states and five countries. I submitted two from hospital rooms after surgeries.

The addition of our peer educators as advisers, a year after I began the column, is a highlight of this experience so far; I love hearing their wisdom and watching them grow in maturity. When I first sought teen responses for the column, I encountered a lot of swift judgment. Teens in 2006 often began with, “What a stupid question?” or “They should know better.” I sense a subtle difference in today’s youth. Their empathy is stronger. They often respond by first saying, “I can understand what you’re going through.”

In honor of our 10th year, I tried to share a vintage column monthly. I don’t plan to do so in 2017; I have too many acute situations to address. I will, however, offer a question today from February 2005 to honor our 13th year. Thank you to those who send me questions, thank you to our peer educators and thank you to all who read the column weekly. I am blessed by your support.

Q (Feb. 14, 2005)

Why do adults judge me by the way I look before they find out what kind of person I am? I have a lot of piercings and a few tattoos, and most adults decide I’m a loser as soon as they meet me.

17-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” You’re only a loser if you allow yourself to be. Be proud of who you are.

You’re absolutely right about one thing – some people, teens as well as adults – do make spot judgments based on outward appearance. Race, gender, height, body type and size, clothing style, age – all these things send signals that lead to first impressions. Judging people can go both ways. Are you open to looking past the differences in others? We are often pleasantly surprised when we get to know another person. We may have more in common than our first impression led us to believe.

Think about this:

• How we look on the outside advertises who we are. Pick your advertisement carefully.

• Pay attention to your body language. Are you giving off a “don’t come near” attitude that speaks louder than the way you look?

• Work on letting the person you are shine through to the outside. Your personality and spirit are vital parts of who you are.

• Instead of becoming alienated by the idea of being judged, reach out to others. Becoming other-directed shifts our focus from self. Volunteer with senior citizens or mentor kids younger than you.

• Join our Peer Educator group. I promise you’ll be accepted and have a chance to grow and know who you really are by serving others. Plus we have fun and eat a lot of pizza!

Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski is the director and founder of the Washington Health System Teen Outreach. Send questions to her at podmj@healthyteens.com.