Jul 26, 2017 4 min read

Q.I’m getting ready for the biggest change in my life so far. Is it normal to be frightened? I graduate college in December.

The reality that this is my last semester of college is both exhilarating and terrifying. Many of my friends are going on to grad school.

I may end up with an advanced degree, but I want to try living first. I interned at a great company and they’ve offered me a job!

Unlike many of my peers, I have a secure income after graduation. Why so frightened? Because the job is across the country.

The internship was fun and exciting and an adventure. The job sounds good, too, but living so far from my family – who I’m very close to – will be different from a 3-month internship.

I’ve never lived alone. At home, I shared a room with a sibling, in college I had roommates, and at my internship I shared housing with other interns.

I’ll need to find a place to live, adjust to a city that is culturally very different from my hometown, pay my own bills, find my own transportation, plan my own meals … in other words, I’m going to need to adult.

Are most people frightened at this point in life? What can I do to adjust?

22 and worried

Mary Jo’s response: You’ve articulated your situation well. Yes, I believe it is normal to be both exhilarated and terrified. Change can be challenging. Moving away from a known experience means pushing oneself beyond comfort.

Your question has two parts: Why is this new experience so frightening, and are you going to be at peace living alone?

The “why” of your anxiety is common. Until now, your life has followed a predictable path. You left high school, selected a college, and studied hard.

You created a friend group, established life goals, and agreed to a job. You have solid family roots. You should be proud of your accomplishments! You’re evolving into an adult; you will continue to grow and change all your life. Denying your fear isn’t healthy, but facing it can lead to maturity.

Connecting while living far from friends and family is easier now than ever before. I often ponder my grandparents, who came to America to seek a better life for their families. Imagine no phone or virtual connection; writing letters was their only contact with the family they left. My grandmother never saw her parents again. You can stay connected.

You are a strong, resilient person with several successes to your credit. Create a support system of family and friends. Make new friends at your job. Explore your new community. Take a class, join a gym, or look online for groups with similar interests. Draw on the spirit you’ve used to get this far. Have faith in you.

Living alone can be wonderful. You only need to deal with your own mess, you can discover the pleasures of solitude, and your space is your own. You may be surprised by how much you enjoy solitary living. Give it a try. If unhappy, you can seek different living arrangements in your new city.

Becoming an adult is an integral part of life. I hear young people talk about the new verb “adulting,” and I smile and shake my head. Yes, you will need to find a place to live, adjust to a city that is culturally different from your hometown, pay your own bills, find your own transportation and plan your own meals. That’s life. You can do this! The alternative is remaining stagnant. Go forward with courage, knowing your safety net of supportive family and friends has your back. Congratulations on your pending degree and your job offer. Well done!

Alumni Peer Educator response: When Mary Jo asked us for our thoughts on your question, we realized how much we understood and remembered your feelings. You’ll get past this anxiety. Give yourself a chance and believe in you. Your fears are normal. You’ll do fine.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.