Jun 8, 2017 4 min read

Q.I’m really glad school is over, but not for the reason you might think. I like school. What I don’t like is other kids laughing at me. It started in fifth grade. I start eighth in the fall. I’m not that different from other people, I don’t think. People still laugh at me. How can I fit in? Thanks.

13, almost 14-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: The feeling you’re describing is difficult. Being laughed at or mocked isn’t easy; when it occurs repeatedly, over time, it is a type of bullying.

School should be a safe place where all can learn. This shouldn’t be happening to you.

Each of us is different, in our own unique way.

You are in a life space where your peers are changing – most young people in middle school or junior high are going through puberty. Hormones can cause moodiness.

People may band together to form groups and treat other young people as outliers. Very few adults would voluntarily return to middle school.

My papa was fond of telling me, “This too shall pass,” when I complained about challenges. He was correct, but, in the moment, it is easy to be discouraged. Here are some ideas:

• Be yourself. If you try to mold your personality into someone else’s image, you will ultimately be unhappy.

• Develop self-confidence. Look for positive things every day. Study hard and succeed.

• Create your own group of friends. Look around. Are there others who seem left out? Reach out.

• Learn to communicate. Practice starting a conversation with a trusted adult.

• Watch for social cues. Body language can help you decide if someone is open to talking.

• Be approachable. Join a club or youth group or try sports, in or out of school.

• Listen. The easiest way to make a friend is to sincerely and respectfully listen to someone. Avoid judging others. Practice thinking of other people first.

• Get involved. Volunteer for programs where others are served, like after-school programs for preschoolers. Do community service.

• Don’t dwell on mistakes; everyone has bad days, even those who seem popular.

• Seek support. Do you have a trusted adult in your family or at school? It’s OK to ask for help. Please stay in touch with me.

Our Common Ground Teen Center (53 N. College St., Washington) offers middle school nights on Wednesdays during the school year. As a 14-year-old you may attend any evening. The center is a very safe space where you can be yourself and be accepted, no questions asked. Please remember you are worthy, just as you are.

Our peer educators’ thoughts may help you feel better.

Peer educator response: We don’t think you need to fit in. Stand out and be different.

Don’t listen to people laughing because they are just down on themselves. If people laugh, let them.

A lot of people are the same, only the great ones are different.

Find people like you, who you can relate to and build a friendship with. Friends don’t always have to have everything in common, but rather just listen and understand you. Listen to others respectfully.

When you start the new school year, try talking to a few new people. Make just one new friend. Try joining a club or sport – that’s a great way to meet people. You’ll have something in common to talk about.

Continue to be yourself. Succeed at something you love. School is about learning – focus on your studies. One day, you’ll be at the top and people will regret laughing at you and want to be your friend. Enjoy time now, even if it’s alone, and never treat others this way.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.