Mar 1, 2017 4 min read

Q. I’m a trans teen. I knew my gender identity when I was 3 years old. I told my mom. I started living as my authentic self when I was 6. My parents are supportive, but I feel less and less safe lately. We move a lot, and my old school did a good job of making me feel safe. In my new school, I’ve been bullied and mocked, sometimes in front of teachers. It makes me feel isolated and alone and afraid. I feel as if some people don’t understand who I am or respect me. Can you use my question in your column and teach about people like me? I wish I didn’t need to move.

17-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: No one should be bullied and mocked, especially in school, and especially near teachers. Teachers are protectors of all students, and should speak out. You are a person of worth exactly as you are. Moving schools can be very difficult; each new school is a new culture, and adjustment can be challenging. You remain worthy, no matter where you attend school.

As an educator who respects and honors all young people, it is my pleasure to do as you ask. When I teach, I set the stage for learning by promising to respect everyone, to listen to hear, to hold space, to avoid judgment, and to honor diversity. I also tell participants to remember they may agree to disagree with me, with respect, but it is vital that each person is respected as a human being of worth, regardless of a person’s ability, age, ethnicity, gender, faith, race or sexuality.

Gender is created by society. Some cultures are primarily gender-binary, which means people are placed into two categories of male or female, but other cultures are more gender-fluid. You can create a personal culture of friends and family who offer you respect and support.

Gender-nonconforming people do not follow other people’s ideas about how they should look or act based on the female or male sex they were assigned at birth. Transgender is a general term used to describe people whose gender identity (the way people see and identify themselves) differs from the sex they were assigned at birth.

You have the right to be safe. Here are some suggestions:

1. Ask your parents to advocate for you at school. Schedule a meeting with school administrators and guidance counselors. Bullying, for any reason, is not OK. Teachers should support all students.

2. Look for allies. Many schools and communities host GSAs (gay-straight alliances) where all are welcome. You’re not alone.

3. Know your rights. Check out http://www.transequality.org/know-your-rights/schools and http://www.lambdalegal.org/know-your-rights/article/youth-transgender.

4. Stay connected with people from your old school who support you. Social media encourages connection across distance. Choose friends wisely. Keep in touch.

Peer Educator response: Nobody should feel unsafe being who they are or be bullied for it. Fill the isolation and fear with supportive people like your parents and friends. People’s words can hurt, but you are stronger than those words can ever be. The most important thing can be allies. Look for a local or school GSA. Allies can be your voice when people won’t listen to you. Finding other trans youth in your community will help too. Remember your rights as a human being. Take a stand for who you are. When people are more educated, they often are less mean. We really do think you’ll be OK.

Contact Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski with questions at podmj@healthyteens.com.