Mar 5, 2017 3 min read

On the weekend before President Donald Trump used his address to a joint session of Congress to call for American unity, one Florida family was already working together in a story that made headlines.

On Feb. 26, the Daytona Beach News-Journal reported, 18-year-old Daniel Kennedy, his 16-year-old brother and their mother approached a table where the Ketchum family was selling Girl Scout cookies outside a Palm Beach Walmart.

Rather than asking kindly for a box of Thin Mints, the Kennedys asked for payment of a $20 debt owed the boys by the Ketchums’ daughter. After mother Lisa Ketchum said they could not pay the debt, the Kennedys demanded payment in cookies. Ketchum refused.

So Michael Kennedy began grabbing boxes of cookies. Then he and his brother knocked over the table, scattering Tagalongs and Trefoils and Do-Si-Dos hither, thither and yon in what’s sure to go down in history as the Palm Beach Cookie Carnage.

Let’s stop for a moment to examine the thought process of the Kennedys before they drove to the Walmart.

It’s a Saturday night. Having just enjoyed a meal together, the Kennedys are satiated, but have a sweet tooth.

“Do we have any cookies, Mom?” the Kennedy brothers might have asked.

“Alas, we are bereft of biscuits!” Mrs. Kennedy no doubt answered.

“Hey!'” Daniel remembered. “Walmart sells cookies. Let’s hop in the van and scoot on over.”

Outside Walmart, Mrs. Kennedy asked, “Say, isn’t that the Ketchum girl who sits behind you in social studies selling cookies over there?”

“It sure is … and she owes us 20 bucks!” the boys answered.

“Let’s git ‘er!” Mrs. Kennedy said, scowling.

Thus began Operation Dessert Storm.

According to the police report, the Kennedy brothers’ actions “began a large disturbance with the family.” Mrs. Ketchum told the News-Journal Daniel Kennedy began throwing punches, at which point her husband, Thomas, emerged from Walmart and grabbed the brothers’ shopping cart to keep them from escaping. More punching ensued because, as everyone knows, cookies always go better with punch.

Thomas Ketchum, who had open-heart surgery three days previously, was treated for a sprained neck and shoulder; the Ketchums’ 15-year-old son received a gashed head while attempting to help his father.

Daniel Kennedy was charged with three counts of simple battery and one count of disorderly conduct and was jailed. His brother was charged with one count of simple battery and one count of disorderly conduct. He faces a March 17 court date. Don’t feel bad. That’s the way the cookie crumbles.

Yet, although this is a sad, cautionary tale, we should be thankful that guns were not drawn and the Kennedys committed no crimes worthy of the death penalty. Like kneeling on an Oval Office couch.

And let’s be magnanimous. Perhaps the big meal they consumed cut off the flow of blood to their brains, leading to a momentary lapse of reason. If so, the lesson is clear, and it’s one your mother drilled into your head decades ago:

Don’t eat too much, or you’ll toss your cookies.