Mar 8, 2017 4 min read

Q.Help! My family reads your column. Will you please print this so they’ll stop nagging me? Not just my family, but everyone who knows me. I’m not trying to be rude, but I can only answer, “So, what are you going to be?” and “What are you doing next year?” so many times. I don’t know, OK? My SATs were good, my grades are good, and my extracurricular and volunteer hours combined to get me into a good college. I’m not 100 percent sure I want to attend. Is that so wrong? I probably will, but I don’t know what I’ll study. Is that so horrible? I just turned 18. I ask my family if they knew what they wanted out of life when they were my age, and I get a lot of stories about how focused they were on the future. I admire you. Did you know you’d do what you do now when you were 18? Is there something wrong with me?

18-year-old

Mary Jo’s response:There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with your family or friends. Their intentions are good, albeit annoying to you. As my papa always told me when I was young and frustrated, “They mean well.”

Some adults expect young people to know their life plans at 18. I’m not one of those adults. Life evolves, and so do we. The future is open and full of possibilities. You’ll find your way.

You ask a personal question, which I usually try to avoid. I will share one piece of my life: No, I didn’t know I’d do what I now do when I was your age. I did know I wanted to work with young people. I think I’m very fortunate; I recognized as a child where I’d find joy. At 18, I entered nursing, planning to be a pediatric nurse. I evolved, just as you will.

Right now, your job is to learn and grow and experience life. Congratulations on those good SAT scores and grades. I’m glad you realize the role of extracurricular activities and community volunteering in your growth. Give yourself time. Explore educational opportunities to raise your awareness of what brings joy to your days.

The next time someone requests an answer about “the rest of your life,” why not respond with, “I’m exploring options, thanks for caring about me.” Convey your gratitude, because an adult is demonstrating concern and support, but be up front about possibilities.

I often hear young people worry about their futures. I hear middle schoolers say, “When I’m in high school, I’ll be happy.” Then, I hear high schoolers say, “When I graduate high school, I’ll be happy.” Be happy now, my friend. Many people chase happiness and never catch it, because they’ve linked happiness to something not yet attained. It may sound cliché, but today is all we have for certain. Linking happiness to having a partner or buying a car or losing weight denies joy right now.

You’ve got this. Experience life. Learn empathy. Model respect. Listen to hear what others are really saying. Demonstrate kindness. Be other-directed. Spend time with the older adults in your family. Take life one day at a time. Take time for you. Breathe. Tell the people you love how much they mean to you. Discover. Please keep in touch. In time, I know you will share how happy you are in the next step of your personal evolution.

Contact Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski with questions at podmj@healthyteens.com.