Mar 22, 2017 4 min read

Q.I’m glad you wrote last week’s column. I’m always telling my dad I’m not getting in trouble, but he keeps saying all teens take risks. He acts like every little thing I do wrong is huge. I tell him I make mistakes, but I keep on trying. My grades aren’t bad. I don’t get high or drunk. I’m not having sex. I’m home a lot, and I help out around the house. I think I’m a “good kid.” So, I gave him your column to read. Lots of times he gives me your columns to read, and I kind of resent it, but this time, I wanted him to read it with me. When he finished, he asked me if I thought I was a good kid even if I make mistakes sometimes. I said, “Yeah.” Since then we talk more. I don’t always like to talk. I want to talk when I feel like it, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need him or want to tell him stuff. It just means I need some time alone with my music to figure things out. Can you please explain to parents that most of us are just trying to get through school and life? Give us a little space. We’re all pretty good kids. Thanks.

15-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: I love your words! They made my day and put a huge smile on my face. Thank you for taking the time to write (and for reading the column). Reading is the gateway to knowledge, and your future is enhanced by learning. Way to go!

Two things jumped out at me when I read your email. First, wow! I’m so happy you connected with your dad. Your dad sounds like an involved parent, and, even if he annoys you at times – I can tell he does – he’s parenting well. I’m sure you read last week’s column because he engages you in reading the columns together. My motivation in writing can be summed up in your comment. I want to empower teens to communicate with trusted adults; I hope to encourage adults to communicate with the young people in their lives. It is my honor to be there for young people, and I love responding to their questions, at school and via text/email, but the adults who love them matter more than me. I am thrilled when adults and young people connect.

The second part of your message resonated with me: “Can you please explain to parents that most of us are just trying to get through school and life?” Truth! I agree. Most young people are simply figuring out life, doing the best they can with challenges like school demands, changing friendships, peer pressure and confusing hormones. Growing up in today’s world can be stressful. Thanks for articulating what should be obvious to caring adults. Your voice matters, and you used it beautifully.

I’ll expand your “pretty good kids” comment. I think young people are amazing. The teens I serve are open-minded, respectful, kind and courageous. When I’m with them, I have confidence for the future. In later correspondence, I discovered you do not live in our community; I’m disappointed, since you would be an excellent peer educator. I have professional colleagues in your area and, as promised, will seek a safe place in your community like our Common Ground Teen Center.

Please continue connecting with your dad. Thank him for hearing your voice. Let him know you appreciate him when he gives you space. Adulting isn’t easy, but it appears you have a good role model. Keep in touch. I’m sure your future will be bright, and it will give me joy to follow your progress.

Contact Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski with questions at podmj@healthyteens.com.