May 4, 2017 3 min read

The cutting edge of fashion seems to be mostly about moving the naked parts around.

Remember low-rider jeans? The ones with the rise so low the fly zipper was the length of an eyelash? The purpose of these pants was to expose as much of the torso as possible. From the back, even more was exposed. The trend finally died when even size 2 pre-teens found out that the pants gave them muffin top. Good riddance, I say. Oh, and remember low-cut stiletto pumps? And how about tube tops, those bits of puckered fabric that covered only enough to remain legal.

Now, the naked parts have been moved to other places. They charge extra for jeans with rips in the knees. And since baring cleavage is passé for everyone except Mariah Carey and those named Kardashian, the bare parts of shirts have been moved. To the shoulders.

Having run out of body parts to exploit, the designers now have moved up to the shoulders. Try to find a dress or blouse this month that has fabric where the shoulders are supposed to be. It’s all about the bare shoulder.

“It’s the most attractive part of the body,” said the designer on QVC as she breathlessly pitched her shoulderless dress. “Most women like their shoulders.” But what about all those years, in the ’80s, when every garment had shoulder pads? We weren’t so crazy about our shoulders then.

To tell you the truth, I never thought much about my naked shoulders until all of this happened. I suppose that when I have a tan, my shoulders are OK. They aren’t fat, don’t have cellulite and are not wrinkly. If I had a million dollars for cosmetic surgery, my shoulders are not where I’d spend it. I would rate my shoulders a solid B plus.

A few years ago, when strapless dresses were in style, that same QVC lady said that collar bones were the most attractive body part. I ran to the mirror to have a look at my collar bone – and couldn’t find it. I passed on the strapless trend.

I’ve always been leery of these style fads. The whole gladiator sandal thing passed me by, and I didn’t feel left out. I never wore Crocs; never owned a pair of skinny jeans. I never spiked my hair into those 1980s “Aqua Net mall bangs.” I did not own acid-wash denim.

And now I’m faced with a trend so ubiquitous it’s keeping me from finding some spring clothing. I went online looking for a cotton sweatshirt to replace the one I ruined with a splash of bleach. Even the sweatshirts have the shoulders cut out, which seems to defeat the snuggly purpose of a sweatshirt.

This fad will pass, but then what? There’s not much left to bare except elbows, obliques, and maybe glutes. And I hope it never comes to that.

I did look at a pair of white jeans with big rips in the knees, but I passed. My knees are still passable, but they will be the next thing to go.

As for my shoulders, we’ll have to see. Most retailers call those “cold shoulder” tops. Until now, that term meant something else entirely. Giving someone the “cold shoulder” was a bad thing – not pretty or desirable. The designers should have considered that before they took their scissors to all those tops.

Beth Dolinar can be reached at cootiej@aol.com.