Feb 18, 2019 3 min read

Every so often I’m reminded that I missed out on many an opportunity to be crazy rich. It seems that I have relatives who were brilliant or acquaintances who “just missed” making millions.

My mom always claimed that members of her side of the family were famous inventors. Wilbur and Orville Wright, for example, were cousins, she said, as was Cyrus McCormick, who is often credited with inventing the mechanical reaper. She never offered a shred of proof other than that, somewhere in her baobab of a family tree, there were branches named Wright and McCormick. I’m not sure what to believe. All I know is, I don’t fly for free … but I don’t have to harvest my own wheat, either. I should also note that Mom claimed I was related to actor Charlton Heston because “you have the same nose.”

The earliest example of a family acquaintance supposedly having been denied fame and fortune by a fickle Lady Luck came in the late 1950s or early 1960s. My sister recounted that the father of friends had come up with the idea for transporting tractor-trailer boxes on railroad flatcars – a practice called piggybacking – “But someone just beat him to it!”

A bit of research reveals that drawings of wagons being carried atop railroad flatcars date back to Britain in the 1830s. Her friend’s father was not 130 years old. In the U.S., the practice seems to have begun around 1953, so maybe her tale was not apocryphal. Either way, the guy remained a farmer. The great irony was, his farm sat below an elevated railbed. So if he had, indeed, “just missed,” he was taunted by his misfortune every day of his life.

Also in the Sixties – seems that the older I get, almost everything I remember is from that decade – my brother told a similar tale. He played in a big band with a somewhat eccentric guy named Ron. Ron always had harebrained ideas, my brother complained. For example, Ron suggested that my brother, who played upright bass, buy a Fender electric bass guitar. A musical purist, my brother thought the electric bass an abomination and refused to buy one. That idea wasn’t so harebrained after all. But Ron had another idea, my brother said.

“He’s a crackpot! Now he has this ridiculous idea to build a Disneyland in Florida. In the swamps!” In 1971, Disney World opened in Orlando. Poor Ron. Literally.

So it goes. I continually see examples that prompt what I call the WDITOT reaction: “Why Didn’t I Think of That?”

A few years back, I discovered that someone in New England was selling fall leaves to those in climates that didn’t have cold falls. Three colorful New England leaves for $19.99, his website advertised. Stupid, right? They sold out. The site also offers maple leaf coasters, necklaces, earrings, refrigerator magnets and Christmas ornaments. WDITOT?

Oh, I’ve tried to capitalize on my ideas. Seeing that people of a certain age unfailingly fumble for a cellphone when asked, “What time is it?” I came up with the idea for what I was going to call the Wrist-Mounted Portable Chronographer. Then my son pointed out that wristwatches were still for sale. Curse you, Lady Luck!

Last May, however, I invented something that means I will never again have to buy a razor of any kind. It’s called a “beard.”

Perhaps you’ll contribute to my GoFundMe campaign so I can market it?