Nov 26, 2019 4 min read

Some call it the “holiday spirit” that brings families together at this time of year. The rest of us are more honest – We’re here for the food.

As someone whose culinary expertise is limited to eggs, grilled cheese and Campbell’s soup, Thanksgiving is more than a family gathering. It’s more than a home-cooked meal from my chef of a mother. It’s the ultimate home-cooked meal Barb Anderson makes in the calendar year.

The stuffing she makes is so delicious my brain can smell it as early as Sept. 23. It’s a meal worth traveling over 200 miles for, which is why I use the following strategy to make – and eat – the most of it.

Blackout Wednesday

Since the meal takes a full week to plan, preparing to eat it should at least start the day before. It’s recognized as the biggest party day of the year, but is it worth it? You can eat greasy pizza and drink beer the other 363 days, but choosing to do it the night before the best meal of the year is a rookie mistake that clears the path to failure and regrets.

Thanksgiving morning

I don’t care about the tempting pastries NBC’s flexing during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade: It is game day, and I’m not talking about football. You have a gravy-flavored responsibility later, so stay away from sugar and start hydrating with calorie-free water.

If your family does a luncheon Thanksgiving, skip breakfast. If it’s a 2 p.m. or later meal, then eat breakfast, but don’t even think about sneaking lunch. You folks who offer to “help” with meal prep, absolutely NO GRAZING (you know who you are).

Meal time

I don’t know what you’re up against, but my Thanksgiving house usually has close to 30 people eating. The carbs and chaos are not for the faint of heart. Be quick, be vigilant, and for the love of Christmas, pass the dishes clockwise – no one gets left behind!

Put a little bit of everything you like on that plate, but certainly the essentials: stuffing, mashed potatoes, corn, cranberry sauce, green bean casserole and buttery dinner rolls. Where’s the turkey, you ask? I don’t eat meat. While I understand that eliminates a main food from this strategy, each year, I make the best decision to fill that void with pie.

Speaking of pie…

For someone whose teeth are all sweet teeth, pie is the main event. I love pie so much, I’ve pitched three different pie-related stories to my editors this month alone. My Aunt Mee-Mee has spent decades perfecting pie. Apple’s my favorite, but she also makes a mixed berry pie, or “sweethearts pie,” which has a special place in my heart.

My brother prefers pumpkin with a can of whipped cream on top, and if he saves any, it becomes his Black Friday breakfast special. My record is five slices of pie throughout the night after consuming the full meal. This year the goal is seven. Wish me luck.

Crawling on all fours from table to recliner

Whatever you do, don’t puke – you save that drama for next month’s Christmas cookies. Sit for an hour or three. Lie down and don’t fight the food coma. You’ve had a big day, but the task isn’t over. Those leftovers aren’t going to eat themselves tomorrow. For those of you who have reached the next level by attending two Thanksgiving meals in one day, I salute you, and God bless.