Aug 6, 2020 6 min read

Q. I’m so scared of going back to school. I mean, I want to see my friends. I want to go back to class. I even miss my teachers. I’m not scared for me. I’m scared for my gram and pap.

I live with my grandparents. What if I get infected with COVID-19 and don’t have any symptoms? What if I bring it home them? What if one of them gets sick? What if they both do? What if they die? I couldn’t forgive myself if I hurt them.

I know this is real.

I live in Texas and my friend goes to a school where a teacher died this summer. He said she was a great teacher. I know her name. She’s not made up. I also know my school isn’t doing anything to protect students and teachers. Classes are starting like nothing is wrong. We’ve always had a choice to do cyber. I want that.

Who should I tell about my fear? I need to do it soon, before I have to go back. My gram says she doesn’t want me to do online classes. She says it will set me back. How do I tell her I’d rather learn online than risk them?

– 13 year old

Mary Jo’s Response: It takes courage to admit fear. I’m proud of you.

Your feelings are strong and I respect them. The first thing I’d like you to do is be up front and honest with your grandparents. I know starting conversations can be challenging. It might help if you gave this column to your gram. Start by saying, “Gram, I’m really worried about you.” I hope your gram will see your concern for her and the love you feel for both your grandparents.

Let’s talk about risk. Your state has seen a surge in COVID cases. The story you heard about a teacher losing her life makes your fear worse. It’s not possible for me to tell you how risky going back to school in person would be for you, but I can tell your anxiety is so high that it would be difficult for you to learn at school. Online learning is great, especially when a student is motivated and ready to keep up with the lessons.

Remind your gram this change isn’t forever. If she won’t listen, can you seek support from another family member, like an aunt or uncle? You can also get in touch with your school’s guidance counselors. Getting support for your fear is important. They can help you explore options for school.

I thought you might want to hear from other young people, so I asked for more peer thoughts than I typically request. Check out the comments about online learning. These responses are from junior peer educators, 13- to 15-years-old, and peer educators/peer educator alumni, 14- to 20-years-old. You’re not alone. This isn’t forever. Good luck communicating with your grandparents.

Peer Educator Responses:

1. In my personal opinion, I would tell your grandparents exactly what you told Mary Jo. You would rather learn online than potentially risk your health. There are too many unknown variables to give a definitive answer on whether you’ll be safe. What we do know is that COVID-19 tends to target older people because they, usually, have weaker immune systems. This makes you going to school while living with them a bigger risk. Although we are all restless from staying at home, I think that your gram will understand that you just want to protect them.

2. We think the best thing to do would be to tell your gram about who isn’t putting their kids in school, like celebrities, the president and those who are wealthy enough that public education isn’t an issue. Bringing politics into anything can get negative feedback, but you can analyze others’ behavior. Why is it that we need to put people like us in harm’s way to help restart the country when those in charge of getting this virus under control aren’t willing to do the same? That says it isn’t safe and those individuals know it. So, keeping politics to a minimum, if there is any sort of disagreement in your family, simply state that as a partial rationale. You are young, but your voice is important. Also learning online won’t hurt you. Many parents worry it will affect their children’s social skills and friendships, but the crucial factor here is it will only affect you in the long term if you’ve been isolated your whole life. This is temporary. You know what the school experience is like.

3. Some of us attended cyber and we did just fine, even graduating ahead of schedule, and this had nothing to do with COVID-19. Going online for a while – even for a year – under these conditions will not put you at a disadvantage after graduation or going forward since so many students are doing the same across the nation and will be right on par with you. Better safe than sorry. I’m afraid there will be many who, when this is over, will have wished they had their kids go online.

4. Your questions are all valid. You have every right to feel as you do. I would feel the same way in your situation. I think you should tell your gram and pap as soon as possible. Tell them your fears for them. Tell them you don’t want them to get sick. You all deserve to be safe. Your voice is important, no matter your age.

5. Some of us are in college and our different colleges are going online. I am opting to go online, even though my college gives me a choice of face-to-face or online, for the same reasons you want to learn online. I have grandparents to protect, too. We’ll all get through this. In my opinion, you’re a mature 13-year-old!

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.