Jun 24, 2020 3 min read

We’ve finally started summer and I’m already tired of yard work.

By the time summer officially arrives, it’s almost Independence Day. The weather has been a bit manic with temperatures warm enough to force lawn mowing in April then snow and frost in May. At least that killed the emerging dandelions with zero effort from me.

I can finally get away with cutting grass just once a week without the lawn looking like a jungle, so I started a few landscaping projects that I’d been contemplating. A couple of flower beds with ground cover had gotten out of hand and overrun with errant grass. I bit the bullet and ripped all of it out, turned over the soil and divided a few hostas to replant.

Then, I decided to install plastic edging around them and a few other flower beds that never had any borders. That was a chore digging the trench and pounding in the stakes, but I think the end result was well worth the elbow grease and sweat.

After all of that, I finally had to tackle the chore I’d been dreading: the hedges. There was a time years ago when I could grab the electric trimmer and cut down the hedges, clean up the debris and be done with the entire job in one day.

Those days have passed.

I’m too old and the shrubs have grown too large. Now, I try to divide it up into three days of work.

On day one, I made great progress until I came to one giant shrub that must be nearly 30 years old. I have no idea what kind of shrub it is but it’s taller than me now and grows long shoots of branches straight up into the air. I started attacking it as best I could and the more I cut, the more I wanted to cut.

I got tired and frustrated pretty quickly. You know those moments in movies when one character just can’t take a situation anymore and completely loses it?

Yeah, that was me.

That shrub was my breaking point. Just like Harrison Ford in “Patriot Games,” “It was pure rage… just made me mad.” I started breaking off branches with my bare hands and tore that shrub down to the stump. The next day, I was stiff and sore, but determined. I broke out the ax and didn’t give up until I yanked the stump out of the ground.

It was exhilarating.

A few days later, I tackled the other side of the house and wound up ripping out that shrub’s evil twin.

Finally, the great hedge offensive is complete and 18 bags of mulch have been applied.

I am done. Spent. Finito.

That shrub put me over the edge. I will happily just watch other groundskeepers at work the rest of the summer while I golf.

Kristin Emery can be reached at kristinemery1@yahoo.com.