Mar 23, 2020 3 min read

Yes, everyone is talking about the COVID-19 virus. While I will mention it peripherally, I am on to bigger, more important matters.

I’ve been thinking a lot about a cartoon character. I am glad to say goodbye to a particular orange and black tabby from the Sunday comics, the lovable and irascible Garfield.

Right before the virus hit, Kennywood announced that it would retire “Garfield’s Nightmare” and return the attraction to its former state. The Old Mill is coming back. I’m sure this would have been the top news story in Pittsburgh if the coronavirus didn’t take over EVERYTHING. I barely remember the Old Mill, but it beats that fat cat and his weird bubble-eyed friends.

The Old Mill was supposed to be romantic. When I was a teenager, my older friends would ride it with their boyfriends/girlfriends or what-have-you’s. By the time I started dating, the Old Mill was repurposed into a kiddie ride! I admit, I have some anger management issues with the Garfield’s Nightmare ride.

I once took a date on the Pirates of the Caribbean … that was a long way to go for some kissing and hand-holding!

But I digress, like I do. I am angry at a cartoon kitty cat. The Garfield comic strip has never made me laugh. I know my Garfield fans will rush to his defense. I get it. Running a comic strip can’t be easy. You have to be funny and know how to draw. I can only do one of those things (if you said draw, I’m gonna cough on you).

I do think Jim Davis knows how to draw cute animals. I just think he goes after some low-lying fruit, or in this case, low-lying lasagna.

For the record, everyone hates Mondays. That’s why the Observer-Reporter put my column here – to cushion the blow. For some reason, a cat – who doesn’t even work for a living – gets the corner market on the hating of Mondays. I hate Mondays, too, but nobody is putting my face on a coffee mug!

Those would sell.

Garfield loves lasagna. Once again, everyone loves lasagna … except the people that actually make the lasagna.

This has been confirmed on a recent trip to the grocery store. As you know, during the panic of the pandemic, toilet paper disappeared off the shelves. Packaged bread went with it. I, personally, don’t eat bread in a bag, but that’s my prerogative. The pasta section was wiped out as well – except for the lasagna noodles. It was the only thing left in the aisle. People love eating lasagna – but they don’t like making it.

By the way, if you are looking for spaghetti and you’re out of luck, buy the lasagna noodles and cut them up. I don’t know why no one thought of that yet.

The next time I am able to go to Kennywood, I’m hoping I can smooch with someone on the Old Mill. I hope we will be able to touch each other by then.