Oct 22, 2020 4 min read

I received so many reactions to last week’s column about families and fighting that I selected a few for comment.

Q. I’m not a teen, but I do read your column weekly. The 15-year-old’s concerns last week are like mine, but in reverse. Do you know of my four children, only two agree with me politically? I wonder how I raised them? Of the two who disagree, one is kind and pretty much leaves me alone. The other, my youngest, and he’s 46 so he’s not young, badgers me daily. He sends me emails. He calls with reasons why my vote is wrong. I will vote as I wish. No need to respond, but maybe put this in your column so others in the same boat as me will feel less alone.

– 84 and still knows who to vote for

Mary Jo’s Response: Posted, as requested. My only response is a validating one. You should vote as you choose. Voting is your right.

I hope you and your son can reconcile your differences. Good luck.

Q. I read your Oct. 15 column with a lot of interest. I grew up in a family where my parents fought constantly. Their fighting wasn’t political, but it soured my childhood. Eventually, they divorced. By the time they did, I was full of emotional scars.

My own marriage failed. It’s hard to admit this, but after years of therapy, I believe I sabotaged it. My therapist told me I was afraid to trust. It’s true. I didn’t trust my spouse. I wish I’d gotten therapy sooner. I tried to make myself happy for so many years. I thought if I was strong enough, I could shake off depression. My ex and I have been apart for a decade. Believe it or not, we’ve started talking again. We’re going to couples therapy together. He wanted to go when we were married, but I was too stubborn to go. I guess my reason for emailing you is to tell you I appreciate the way you told that 15-year-old it wasn’t her (or his) fault. It isn’t.

-Close to 60 and looking for hope

Mary Jo’s Response: I appreciate you taking the time to connect. Your story is important. Childhood lasts forever.

Research on childhood trauma, or adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) shows us traumatic experiences when we are young can have lifelong physical and emotional effects.

I’m grateful you feel at peace. Mental health counseling and therapy can be lifesaving. One of my teacher goals is removing the stigma associated with mental health treatment. We seek medical care for diabetes and heart disease. We would never try to walk on a broken leg. Mental health is just as vital to quality of life as physical health, and seeking care is just as important.

The past is over. I’m happy you’ve been able to connect with your former spouse. I wish you both joy.

Q. The whole country should read last week’s column. Our partisanship and hate is hurting our children. We need to get it together right now. In my whole life I’ve never seen such a mess. Thanks for caring about our youth.

– 76-year-old who is fed up

Mary Jo’s Response: Thank you for writing. When I feel as if a problem is huge, I focus on the young people I can serve right here, in our community. I believe adults need to lead the way to harmony. Let’s start with the people in our neighborhoods. Hope is important to us all.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.